Friday, November 19, 2004


Wishful Thinking Dept.
In a recent press conference, Lt. Gen. Lance Smith, deputy commander of Central Command, stated that Osama Bin Laden no longer has control of al-Qaida. In related news, we have apparently broken the back of the insurgency in Iraq. And Afghanistan’s poppy crop is one of the biggest ever! So relax. Everything’s just fine.

Nicolette Sheridan and the NFL
So, again, what exactly are supposed to be incensed about?

Pioneer Corp. has developed a new disc, called the Blu-ray optical disc, which can be written once, stores 25 gigabytes of data, and is made of corn. It is bio-degradable, and if you don’t like the music, you can eat it.

The Dope.
The Swiss, according to a new survey, smoke more pot than anybody else in Europe.

Who said it?
"This might be the first joke inducted into the Smithsonian Institution."

Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, and Bruce Campbell are re-uniting to produce a remake of their horror classic, THE EVIL DEAD.

New hot spot!
According to the Washington Post, an Apple Store in SoHo is the new hip gathering place for young singles. They can “stop by to read their e-mail, load their iPods and check out new digital gizmos - and each other.”

Actress Nina Rutsch, 27, told the newspaper, "When you're checking your e-mail online, you're really near your neighbor, so its an easy place to strike up conversation.. And if you talk to a guy in the Apple Store, you already know he's going to be modern and up-to-date and sober. It's healthier than picking up someone in a bar."

Who needs a drink? I do.

Outsource this!
From an editorial in today’s THE TIMES OF INDIA;

"This week Microsoft boss Steve Ballmer is here, talking to governments and local IT companies to push business and make deals in one of the world's fastest-developing IT markets. … Craig Barrett, CEO and chairman-elect of the world's largest chipmaker, Intel, is also in India this week. Both Microsoft and Intel are attracted by India's large base of low-cost techies and want to move more business here. Bored by every geeky Bill, Larry and Craig who hops out of every other transatlantic flight? Then think about another American who's touring India this week: Designer Calvin Klein…. It shows that India's image has progressed beyond cyber-coolie-sweatshop to an economy that can afford branded, big-ticket goodies. Eat your heart out, Beltway babus. Henceforth, nothing's going to come between India and Calvin Klein."

What is the sound of one hand typing?
A bunch of experts showed up in Washington today to testify to the Senate about the evils of Internet porn. According to Wired News, Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Cognitive Therapy, said porn was the "most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today."

Not to be outdone, shrink Jeffrey Satinover, advisor to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, said "Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substance. That is, it causes masturbation, which causes release of the naturally occurring opioids. It does what heroin can't do, in effect."

Opioids? What?

Several panelists uggested that federal money be used to fund “brain-mapping studies into the physical effects of pornography.”

And “Judith Reisman of the California Protective Parents Association suggested that more study of ‘erototoxins’ could show how pornography is not speech-protected under the First Amendment.”

Erototoxins? What?

Oh wait, that’s the stuff emitted from Uncle Bucky’s Smut Hut. But if you wear the special glasses, the erototoxins will not interfere with opipoid release. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Duck’s Breath DVD
Tapping…. Twiddling… We’re just all a twitter.


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