Wednesday, January 19, 2005

iBlog therefore iAm

Let’s Play Dress Up!
I’m no fan of President Bush, but when it comes to the kvetching about the high price of his inaugural gala, I feel compelled to say, “Shut up and let the guy have his party.”

Come As You Aren’t
What is that flap with Prince Harry all about? I could see the outrage if he showed up at a fascist rally in full regalia, but he was at a costume party. He was wearing a costume. When you go to a costume party – an activity I do not recommend- you wear a costume. Sure it was in bad taste. He should have shown up as a Wookie, or Spiderman, or Paris Hilton. But still—good grief.

IPod uPod weallPod for iPod
Why would you want to own a music player you could accidentally swallow. And they’ll probably get even smaller, if that’s what you want from a player - thinner than a dime by 2007, and sub-atomic by 2010.

Much has been made of Apple’s new Mac mini, which sells for around $500 and is the size of a paperback book. Personally, I’d like see this shrinkage trend reversed. I want a steam-driven behemoth of a computer that fills my entire garage, one that requires a seat belt to use, and emits horrible grinding noises and big puffs of white smoke any time I perform an operation. I want a computer, in short, that alerts everybody in a ten block radius that, look out, this guy is hard at work.

And are we now going to chronicle every single time somebody says the “eff-word” on the airwaves? The latest is some guy from some band called Fuel, performing at an inaugural party for the youth, who announced that this was the greatest effing country in the world. It made the news!

So now any time some rock star or wannabe lets fly with an expletive, it’s a news story? Stop it, media!

The networks should do what my mom did. Give them all a swear jar, and every time a curse passes Vince Neill’s lips (for example), he has to put in a quarter. Once a week, send that money to ME. I could sure use it.

According to POPBITCH, the gossip site, to his young friends, “the King of Pop refers to semen as ‘Duck Butter’.”


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