Sunday, January 02, 2005

Meet the New Blog, Same as the Old Blog

Hi, I’m Ann Coulter, and I’m hot and lonely. IM me! I have a webcam!
The Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute is offering a 2005 calendar, Great American Conservative Women, featuring Ann Coulter, Dr. Laura, Michelle Malkin, Condoleezza Rice, and Shemane Nugent, among others, all naked as jaybirds. Not.

Which makes me wonder….
How did “jaybird” become the measure of nakedness? And what would be its opposite? As fully clothed as a Great American Conservative Woman?

Doomsayers regret the error…
An asteroid that experts previously thought would hit the earth in 2029 is not going to hit the earth after all.

The owner of a strip club in LA got a hearing with the Los Angeles City Council, hoping they would allow him to increase his open hours. His petition was denied. However, he taped the meeting to prove that he not only didn’t get a fair hearing, but council members weren’t even paying attention.

The tape, according to the Associated Press, revealed that “one council member paced, deep in a cell phone conversation; three huddled in conversation; another strolled about the room….”

A subsequent lawsuit by the owners of the club brought a ruling by the Court of Appeal that the 15-member council “has a legal duty to listen to testimony — or risk violating citizens' due process.”

One of the council members, Dennis Zine, thought the city should appeal the decision; he said, "It's impractical for us to sit there like students in a classroom… ”

The hearing in question took place on Hawaiian Shirt Day, traditionally a time of much joy and celebration for the Los Angeles City Council.

Stewart dissed
Martha Stewart’s team lost a prison decoration contest, says People Magazine.

Each team was given $25 worth of glitter, ribbons, construction paper and glue to build a display around the theme, ``Peace on Earth.'' Her team crafted paper cranes that hung from the ceiling. The winning team made a nativity scene showing ``pictures of snow-covered hills and sleds and clouds on the wall.''

My wife wondered idly if Martha Stewart shivved the winner in the shower later. People Magazine did not say.

And before that we heard Whitney Houston, and “I Will Always Love You”
One of the alleged tactics used to torture prisoners at Guantanamo was to force them to listen to a looped tape of the Meow Mix cat food jingle for hours on end.

Everybody needs a hobby
The editor of MODERN DRUNKARD, a magazine out of Denver about heavy drinking, and how to do it, is an alcoholic; he told the LA TIMES, "I drink about eight drinks a day and maybe 30 on a heavy day, but as long as I remain healthy and happy, I have no intention of slowing down. I mean, when you have something good going, you stick with it, right?" In the offices of MODERN DRUNKARD, smoking is also encouraged.

The Duck’s Breath DVD…
…is resting after a strenuous New Year’s celebration, and will return to shipping on Monday. Happy New Year, y’all.


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