Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Jolly Old Blog

I read it in Pravda. It must be true.
…Everything was absolutely fine in the beginning. The problem came up later, in the middle of the flight, when passengers felt numbness in their legs and arms. A horrible odor, comparable to stagnant marsh gases, appeared in air. Panic gripped the passengers, who were sitting close to the source of the stench. Some of them asked air hostesses for help - they begged them to remove the object, which was emitting the unbearable evaporation.

“The disturbing object was found immediately. The smell was coming from a pair of shoes, which were left in the center of the liner's saloon. As it turned out later, the shoes belonged to America's pop princess Britney Spears. The bravest air hostess approached the star and kindly asked Britney to put her lovely shoes back on her feet. Otherwise, the hostess added, the passengers would have to continue the flight with oxygen masks on.

“Britney Spears showered her apologies and tried to joke a little to ease the confusion. The pop star said that those shoes were not good on her feet. If shoes don't match feet, they start producing awful smell.”

If it’s not cell phones, it’s unbearable evaporations. Why do people fly at all any more? Especially when we’re frequently asked to remove their shoes at the security checkpoint, and everybody is not only subject to our personal evaporations, but humiliatingly aware of the fact that our shoes don’t match feet.

Do they know it’s Christmas?
My new friend John Gorenfeld posted an interesting story on Gadfly (re-posted on AlterNet):

“This wintry season, as the faithful continue to receive alarming reports from the news that Republicans are all that stand between them and the outlawing of Christmas itself by hordes of secular humanists, the two presidents Bush have endorsed a powerful conservative interest group specializing in removing the cross – not from schools or courthouses, but from churches.”

It seems that an outfit called the American Clergy Leadership Conference “sponsored a nationwide ‘Tear Down The Cross’ day for Easter, 2003. Last week, leaders in this radical cause presided over a Washington prayer breakfast featuring messages of thanks from the presidents.”

Why are they tearing down crosses?

One of the tearer-downers, preacher John Kingara, explained, "The fact that the cross is a symbol of division, shame, suffering and bloodshed prove that it is not of God but Satan. On this 18th day of April 2003, we are beginning a new history. Pastors, please, help me to bring the cross down, because it is not of God but the devil."

He did his explaining in the pages of the Unification News, and the thank-you breakfast this December was co-sponsored by the International and Interreligious Federation of World Peace and the American Family Coalition, both of which were founded by the Reverend Sun Myung Moon in 1984.

President Bush . taped a message for the breakfast, President Bush 2 extended his regrets, and Bob Dole was there.

More Christmas cheer!
In France, a group of teenagers mugged Santa Claus, and tried to steal his bag of presents. In Pennsylvania, a 17-year-old was accused of firing a pellet gun from a second-story window, hitting a man dressed as Santa Claus.

Not Very Christmass-y, I’m afraid.
The Mexican city of Villahermosa has passed a law banning indoor nudity. Apparently, it gets very hot in Villahermosa, and strollers can be subjected to glimpses of flesh better left unseen.

I don’t know how you enforce something like this, though. Door-to-door searches?

Duck’s Breath DVD
It is still here:


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