Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Stop the blog, I want to get off.

This is heartwarming, I guess.
According to Reuters, Marie Ellis has passed away in London at the age of 105, of natural causes. She was a smoker since the age of 15, and the staff at the nursing home sent her off with a wreath in the shape of a cigarette (composed of chrysanthemums), and played “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” at the memorial service. She was cremated with a pack of Benson and Hedges, and plans have been made to erect a memorial ashtray in the nursing home garden, where her ashes will also reside.

In her new home, will she be considered a ghost, or second-hand smoke?

Won it by the short lists.
Before he became a scold, I loved Tom Wolfe. I got about ten pages into BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES before I threw it on the bonfire. His new one, I AM CHARLOTTE SIMMONS, sounds dreadful, so dreadful in fact that the author has just received the award for best bad sex in fiction, an honor bestowed annually by the English publication, Literary Review.

He faced some fierce competition: "(It was) like a large exotic mushroom in the fork of a tree, a little pleasure dome if ever I've seen one, where Alph the sacred river ran down to a tideless sea. No, not tideless. Her tides were convulsive, an ebb and flow that could take you very far, far back, before hurling you out, wildly and triumphantly, on a ribbed and windswept beach without end." (Andre Brink, describing a vulva, in his novel BEFORE I FORGET.)

But he aced the competition with; “But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest -- no, the hand was cupping her entire right -- Now!"

I’ve explored a few otorhinolaryngological caverns myself in my time, but I don’t believe I’ve ever had the words “otorhinolaryngological caverns” pop into my head at a moment of passion. Come to think of it, even in a moment of boredom have those words popped into my head.

Those obsessed with creating a missile that can take out other missiles hit a serious challenge to their expensive delusions this week.

In a test today, the target missile launched just fine from Alaska, but the interceptor didn’t even get off the ground. DOD officials blamed an “anomaly,” and the test set us back $85 million.

Niche market radio
WFED, out of Maryland, is a new talk radio station that caters specifically to federal employees. Earlier this week, so the Washington Post informs me, there was a lively discussion “about the Federal Employee Health Benefits Program with two senior officials from the Office of Personnel Management. The OPM guys really got going about the FEHBP, detailing its FSA and HSA features, plus the HMO component, and its relationship to FERS. They also warned people to stay away from HDHP programs….”

And as far as putting your HDHP program into an otorhinolaryngological cavern, well, don’t even think about it.

Duck's Breath DVD
It does not feature HDHP programs, otorhinolaryngological caverns, or anti-missile missiles. Order yours today!


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