Saturday, December 11, 2004


Stop the presses!
Michael Jackson’s fingerprints have been found on porn magazines.

Hold the front page!
Apparently, the man who shot four and himself at a heavy metal concert was insane.

Another sign of the end times.
The New York Times: “Federal regulators plan next week to begin considering rules that would end the official ban on cellphone use on commercial flights.”

Are we channeling the Borgias?
It’s official. Doctors today said Ukrainian presidential candidate Viktor Yushchenko was poisoned with dioxin. And Arafat’s nephew claims that the late terrorist may not have died of natural causes.

More Christmas scandals from the mother country.
“A Christmas campaign for an ‘immaculate contraception’ morning-after birth control pill has been scrapped by a drug company in Britain after causing offence on religious grounds.

The poster, which appeared on London Underground trains, asked: ‘Immaculate contraception? If only.’”

Trust me.
Gallup’s annual survey of professions was released on Tuesday.

Regarding ethics and honesty, nurses got the top marks, followed by grade school teachers.

At the bottom of the list, trustwise, were car salesmen, advertisers, television reporters, newspaper reporters, auto mechanics, and nursing home operators.

I wonder where pollsters place on this list.

Wal Mart under siege!
A group of consumers is suing Wal-Mart for selling a CD that contains a cuss word. Plaintiff Trevin Skeens told the Associated Press, "I don't want any other families to get this, expecting it to be clean. It needs to be removed from the shelves to prevent other children from hearing it.''

I only hope this group is not using trial lawyers in its lawsuit. You know where that leads.

Homeland Security Alert!
Candidate Kerik has pulled a Zoe Baird and dropped out of the running, citing nanny issues, personal issues, and the desire to spend more time with his family and Taser business.

Keep watching the skies! Erm. I mean this space. Should you wish to purchase the Duck’s Breath DVD, go here:


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