Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Romance Blog

My Dream Date With Sebastian Junger.


Our lips parted. The distant whir of helicopter blades, though not audible, could be felt. A rhythmical whumping battered our flesh. Our eyes met. His were inscrutable, but I believe I detected an ineffable sadness in them, in between the involuntary blinks engendered by the insistent percussive thumps.

A rope ladder, or perhaps hemp, descended silently. Sebastian gripped a rung with one strong hand, and began to rise. He broke our gaze and turned it upwards, and mine faltered as my tears welled. There was a faint lingering aroma of kerosene and Old Spice. Then he was gone.

Nostalgia Blog!

Punchlines, remembered with fondness and regret

Rectum? Damn near killed him!


And here's a banana for your monkey.

Pretty big word for a six year old.

Is it a black dick?

Rufus, you is a vagina!

Break her fingers.

That's not my finger.

A frog in a blender.

He gave me a ten inch pianist.

Smell it? I'm sitting in it!

Well, we're not gonna SPANK him.

And that's the bastard who ran over my frog!

You fuck ONE goat....

Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!

Who's that guy with Bob?

I was talking to the duck!

Why the long face?

I'll have whatever she's having!

Why would a circus need drywall?

What was THAT all about?

Monday, August 01, 2011

Crisis Averted Blog

Jeff Jarvis feels hope!
He got drunk and tweeted, "Hey, Washington assholes, it's our country, our economy, our money. Stop fucking with it." Someone in the twitterverse, lifting his banner, suggested, "@jeffjarvis Hashtag it: #FUCKYOUWASHINGTON." This apparently sparked a Twitterlution. Thousands of tweets, saying things like:

@jellencollins: "#fuckyouwashington for making 'debt' a four letter word and 'fuck' an appropriate response."

@tamadou: "#fuckyouwashington for giving yourselves special benefits and telling the American people they have to suck it up or they're selfish."

@psychnurseinwi: "#fuckyouwashington for having the compromising skills of a 3 year old."

And so forth.

Jarvis concluded, in his July 25th post: “Believe me, I'm not overblowing the significance of this weekend's entertainment. All I'm saying is that when I get to hear the true voice of the people – not the voice of government, not the voice of media, not a voice distilled to a number following a stupid question in a poll – I see cause for hope.”

Take heed, Washington. The people have texted! The Kraken has been released!

Dawkins hits on woman, woman offended!
Gawker reports that Richard Dawkins, famed atheist, was at a skeptics’ convention in Dublin. After the day’s activity, consisting of speeches and panels about the continuing non-existence of God, various folks retreated to bars to further insist on God’s non-existence. Around 4 a.m. Rebecca Watson, conference participant and feminist non-believer, took an elevator to return to her room. Richard Dawkins was also on the elevator, and invited her to his room “for coffee.” Ms. Watson rebuffed him. You’d think that would be that.

But she returned home, and blogged a few days later, “Just a word to the wise here, guys. Don't do that. I don't know how else to explain how this makes me very uncomfortable, but I'll just sort of lay it out: I was a single women in foreign country in a hotel elevator with you, just you, and I—don't invite me back to your hotel room right after I finish talking about how it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner.”

Various folks weighed in on this, pro and con, but then Richard Dawkins weighed in on the comments section at the science blog Pharyngula: “Dear Muslima-- Stop whining, will you. Yes, yes, I know you had your genitals mutilated with a razor blade, and … yawn … don't tell me yet again, I know you aren't allowed to drive a car, and you can't leave the house without a male relative, and your husband is allowed to beat you, and you'll be stoned to death if you commit adultery. But stop whining, will you. Think of the suffering your poor American sisters have to put up with. Only this week I heard of one, she calls herself Skep"chick", and do you know what happened to her? A man in a hotel elevator invited her back to his room for coffee. I am not exaggerating. He really did. He invited her back to his room for coffee. Of course she said no, and of course he didn't lay a finger on her, but even so …And you, Muslima, think you have misogyny to complain about! For goodness sake grow up, or at least grow a thicker skin. Richard”

That was not a good idea, Richard Dawkins!

Various people weighed in, many not at all sympathetic to Richard Dawkins, culminating in Ms. Watson herself, on “Skepchick,” writing, “[To] have my concerns—and more so the concerns of other women who have survived rape and sexual assault—dismissed thanks to a rich white man comparing them to the plight of women who are mutilated, is insulting to all of us. Feminists in the west have been staunch allies of the women being brutalized elsewhere, and they've done a hell of a lot more than Richard Dawkins when it comes to making a difference in their lives.”

Then, according to Gawker, she called for a boycott of Dawkins' books.

Message I’m getting? Atheists don’t get laid much.

And, with the existence of God no longer in dispute, they don’t have many important things to worry about.

On Wisconsin!

Earlier this year, Wisconsin passed a law that in order to register to vote in that state you must have a valid picture ID issued by the DMV. Due to budget restraints, Governor Scott Walker is closing ten DMV offices in the state, all of them, strangely, in Democratic districts.

Further, Wonkette aggregated this: “… the Wisconsin DMV is not obligated, and in fact it is not their policy, to first inform a voter ID applicant that he or she is not obligated to pay the $28 fee for issuing the card. The applicant must know to first request a free card, and then find a small box on the form asking for the free card. Otherwise, the applicant is automatically charged $28 for the state ID. To the small minded, that sort of sounds like a poll tax!”

Changing subject abruptly! Insert Casey Anthony joke here.

Then bow your head in shame.

Eric Schmidt in conversation with CNN’s Fareed Zakaria

“Today, your phone knows who you are, where you are, where -- where you're going, to some degree, because it can see your path. And with that and with your permission, it's possible for software and software developers to predict where you're going to go, to suggest people you should meet, to suggest activities and so forth. So ultimately what happens is the mobile phone does what it does best, which is remember everything and make suggestions. And then you can be just a better human and have a good time.”

Because we need suggestions from algorithms in order to survive! Don’t you see that? What are you, a luddite?

The Debt Ceiling…

…has been raised! Thank you, Jesus! Now, America, go back to not having a job, getting hounded for getting abortions, trying to avoid foreclosure, holding bake sales to buy pencils for your public school, steering around potholes, watching bridges fall down, getting put on hold when you call 911, dropping dead from heat exhaustion, hoarding guns, hoarding gold, supporting the troops (until they come home), blaming unions, blaming pensions, blaming immigrants, blaming Obama, and texting Washington with mighty tweets. I’m behind you all the way. Over here. Cowering in my hovel.