Sunday, June 17, 2007

what rough blog

Tony Blair calls the press a “feral beast.”
The press was socialized and neutered earlier today, and was adopted by an elderly couple in the Cotswolds, where it is presently napping in a patch of sunlight in the parlor.

Trick or treat?
Headline: “Hamas bans masks for Gaza gunmen”
Because sniping in Spiderman drag didn’t strike the note of proper dread.

Two more headlines!
Toddler served margarita in a sippy cup

Deputy's dog eats cruiser seats, dies

In other news….
Britain's Royal Society for the Protection of Birds banned the word "cock"
from its website. "Tit" and "swallow," however, were still permitted.

Immigration news…
Many opponents to the immigration bill object to it because it grants “amnesty” to illegal immigrants, allegedly. Have we lost our minds? Do we even know what amnesty is?

Amnesty was granted to those who fought against the Union in the Civil War, after the cessation of that unfortunate conflict. After the restoration of Charles II to the throne of England, he extended amnesty to anti-royalists, but did not include those who killed his father.

My point is that amnesty is reserved for people who may be perceived as having committed a crime against the state. Unless you equate unloading a truck, say, or picking tomatoes to coup-plotting, “illegal immigrants” have committed no crime that even puts amnesty on the table. It’s so far off the table it’s in a room down the hall with pardons, leniency, and common sense. The only things on the table, near as I can tell, are vitriol, racism, and stupidity.

Hey, I know! Let’s build a fence between Brownsville and Matamoros! People living in those places will hate it, but the rest of America will sleep better at night. Because they’ll all be tuckered out from trimming their own hedges.

Weird column
I read an extremely odd column by Kathleen Parker this week on my local paper (SF Chronicle)’s op-ed page.

She begins: “Gen. Peter Pace -- the first Marine Corps officer to serve as the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff -- is being precipitously let go.”

She wonders why: “Is it because he was doing a lousy job? Not according to [Robert]Gates, who said that terminating Pace had ‘absolutely nothing to do' with his performance.”

She thinks she’s found the reason: “Flash back to March 12 and recall that Pace, in an interview with the Chicago Tribune, said he believes that homosexuality is morally wrong. Pace later expressed regret for his remarks, saying he should have kept his personal beliefs to himself. But the die was cast.”

And issues a caveat: “Whether that single remark would cause Pace's removal seems doubtful.”

Still: she blames Hillary Clinton for it, sort of, assuming that she’s elected President. “No one benefits more from Pace's removal than Clinton, who would have had to vote for or against the man and be stuck with a position that could hurt her.” That is, the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” position, initiated by then-President Bill Clinton.

Ms. Parker concludes: “There's no telling for now what kind of backroom understandings may have led to Pace's walking orders. Maybe it was really all about a new beginning. But the pained expression on Gates' face and his oblique responses to questions during his news conference suggested something else. And the Clintons, as always, bear watching.”

Well, of course, Gates would look pained. He’s just been canned, for God’s sake. And when was the last time you heard a response from anybody at a news conference that was NOT oblique? How she can infer from his “pained expression” that the Clintons may have conspired with the Bush White House (which, I have a hunch, made the decision to fire him) to remove Pace because he’s anti-gay, well, she just might be living in Bizarro World. There’s no telling for now.

When in doubt…
Blame the Clintons!

In other worlds…
Linden Lab's Christopher Mahoney: "Imagine taking an avatar and walking around a house, painting the walls dynamically and furnishing it with products from Pottery Barn or Ikea. There'll be a point when a 3-D Internet solves problems in your real world."

Imagine taking your cute little avatar and sticking it where the 3-D moon don’t shine. Take your Skruvsta swivel chair with you. And the French-tipped terra cotta pot.

The wee bride wants to know…
Why hasn’t the Reverend Al Sharpton paid a visit to Paris Hilton yet?


Blogger Shimmy said...

Peter Pace is my co-pilot!

4:28 PM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

Shimmy is a cat in Chicago! Shimmy has a blog! Read it immediately!

8:10 PM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

Oops. The last paragraph in the Weird column section has Pace misidentified as Gates. I hope this didn't confuse anybody. The MSM, by the way, has copy editors. Can I have one?

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

>Tony Blair calls the press a “feral beast.”

I'm reminded of the Feral Kid in "The Road Warrior" (he's credited as "The Feral Kid", really!). Maybe Mr. Blair is hoping for someone mute, but helpful, who'll provide support as he steers his gas-tanker of state into deadly combat with the anarchic horde!


2:09 PM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

With one of those razor sharp boomerangs that cut off fingers!

2:20 PM  

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