Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Tardy Blog

Headline of the week!
Gay Flamingos Adopt Baby

For all of you who await my blog with bated breath, or baited breath, or even abated breath, I apologize. I have been out of town working on an online television series, which may in fact launch in September. I will keep you posted.

As part of a comeback plan, Michael Jackson wants a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert. It would also have lasers.

Is where I was. Boulder, to be specific. Stopping off to buy beer at a liquor store, I noted a guy with a cowboy stomach step up the counter, point to a shelf lined with those little airline bottles of hooch. “Gimme a shooter of Beam,” he growled.

AFP: “The Maldives became the first country to open an embassy in the virtual reality of web-based Second Life, a fantasy world inhabited by computer-generated residents, the Maldives mission to the United Nations in Geneva said.”

So if you’re resident of Maldives, wanted for a crime in Second Life, can you flee to the virtual Maldives embassy, where you’ll be safe? Or will James Bond’s avatar come after you? And where are you, by the way?

Culture of Character
From spam I received: “Thank you for helping to prove that America can do better than raise our kids on television programs that celebrate figures like Eminem, Madonna and Paris Hilton. We live in an era when one entertainment television network actually offers 'biographies' of porn stars! The fact that the television landscape in America is so bereft of healthy role models is the reason that we developed Candid Conversations with Great Americans. Our goal is to explore the character of Americans whose lives are a positive example for ourselves and our children.”

According to the email, “More than 60,000 people have already viewed the pilot episode for the Great Americans series featuring General Norman Schwarzkopf. We are particularly proud of the following responses that researchers received:

“The Program Was Inspiring to Watch: 90%

“The Program Made me Proud to be An American: 93%”

Now, I am second to none in my appalled response to most American culture. On the other hand, as you well know, my motto is: “If there is a zombie in the movie, it is automatically a good movie.” So, the Dread Aspect of Cultural Relativism once again rears its ugly head - depending on your point of view, of course.

And, as it happens, I like Eminem and Madonna. I might like Paris Hilton too, if by chance I might see her, you know, doing something.

And I like Norman Schwarzkopf. I guess. He kicked Iraqi ass so we can, well, I dunno, get our ass kicked by Iraqis today.

But I must confess: I do not watch programs that make me proud to be an American. I have no desire to watch programs that make me proud to be an American, even though I am, in fact, proud to be an American. Do we really need television programs to make us proud to be Americans? If we do, wouldn't that be a mark of shame?

I am deeply disappointed in them. The logic is that of Pontius Pilate: all right, Administration, it’s your war. We wash our hands of it.

Corruption pays!
Vincent A. Cianci Jr., the erstwhile mayor of Providence, Rhode Island, who was convicted of corruption and “racketeering conspiracy,” gets out of prison soon, where he will find employment with Fifteen Beacon, a luxury hotel in Boston, where he will work in sales, marketing and public relations.

I think it’s great that he, like so many other former convicts, is being given a second chance.

Retrofit sarcastic tone, please. Thank you.

Another theory!
From some damn blog or other: “Billy Clinton was actually the one behind the 9/11 attacks. He was in office while the terrorists made all the plans, set up the attack, went to flight training schools, had the entire thing ready to go before Bush ever came to office. The Clinton administration did this out of spite and anger towards the Republicans for them impeaching him. The dems are still very bitter about the impeachment of Clinton, I doubt they will ever get over it.”


Edwards, RIP?
SF Chronicle: “Democrat John Edwards has eloquently established his credentials as an advocate for the poor with a presidential campaign focused on the devastating effects of poverty in America. But the former North Carolina senator's populist drive has hit a series of troubling land mines: a pair of $400 haircuts, a $500,000 paycheck from a hedge fund, and now a $55,000 payday for a speech on poverty to students at UC Davis.”

If he actually looked good after the $400 haircut, maybe, but he looks like a realtor. A good-looking realtor, but still....

An idea whose time has come
NYT: “Sony Television is planning in June to introduce an Internet-based service called the Minisode Network, initially offering the mini-shows for an exclusive run on MySpace. … [T]he network will consist of a lineup of tightly edited versions of shows lifted off the shelves of Sony’s television library. These are not clips of the shows, but actual episodes with beginnings, middles and ends, all told in under six minutes.

“As Steve Mosko, the president of Sony Television, described it, ‘So in “Charlie Angels,” they have a meeting, Charlie’s on the intercom telling them what the assignment is, there’s a couple of fights, and then a chase, and they catch the bad guy. Then they’re back home wrapping it up.’”

COLUMBO: “Just one more thing, sir….” “You got me. Damn you, Columbo.”

24: “That was close.”

LAW AND ORDER: “The perp lawyered up. Let it go. Tomorrow’s another day.”


Et cetera….

Toxic toothpaste? Toxic pet food? Is China trying to kill us?

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.


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