Sunday, June 10, 2007

last time i saw paris blog

Knut Update
Der Spiegel: “Knut turns half on June 5 after six glorious months for Berlin Zoo which has hand-reared the celebrity polar bear from a guinea pig-sized baby into a powerful 28-kilo fighter.”

I follow the Knut saga with interest, hoping to find the precise moment when the world forgets that Knut was ever cute in the first place.

Fast food, by by.
AP: “Edwin Traisman, a food scientist who created the process for freezing McDonald’s french fries and helped develop Cheez Whiz, has died. He was 91.”

He also developed a process that allowed McDonald’s french fries to remain crisp after freezing. Fast food genius! I still remember slathering Cheez Whiz on celery grooves and downing stalks by the dozen. I’m not proud of the memory.

Lede of the week
AP: “Hello Kitty dons new pink laptop to woo working women.”

I’m not a woman, but I struggle to understand why women would want to make their computer look “cute.” Heretofore, did working women buy pink typewriters? Did working women buy pink stenographers’ notebooks? I’m not against “cute” – well, okay, I am – but why should a computer be cuddly, any more than, say, a chainsaw, or hammer?

And when the computer is taken by the feds as evidence, gals, do you really want it to be photogenic? I rest my case.

Fox News
“In a match seemingly made in tabloid heaven, the father of murdered child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey and the mother of missing-in-Aruba teen Natalee Holloway are dating, FOX News has confirmed.”

Gah! Kill me now!

So which is it?
Hell in a handcart, or hell in a handbasket? I am SO sick of this argument.

Porn
A new study says that fifty percent of evangelical men, and twenty per cent of women watch porn to the point of addiction.

Okay, but what KIND of porn? I have seen a lot of porn, my friends. I am fascinated by porn. Are evangelicals watching voyeur porn, girls gone wild, sado-masochistic fantasies, swinger stuff, 3D cartoon incest fantasy …?

I will withhold judgment. And perhaps entertain fantasies of having sex with an evangelical woman, who comes to the door with a pamphlet, who does not know that I have strange (unexplained) powers of mind control, and then… oh … I have gone too far… never mind.

San Jose Mercury News
“An Airplane Named Desire, and Contents May Be Under Pressure are among the names Burlingame-based Virgin America has chosen for its soon-to-be-launched aircraft fleet.”

That’s cute! Have I mentioned that I hate cute?

Paris Hilton
I’m as sick as everybody else of hearing about her (there were TWO stories about her in the San Francisco Chronicle the other day). Here’s what I think: she has tried to ride the publicity about her to gain some goal or other which has yet to materialize because she’s a fucking idiot, and has no goals, because she’s rich, and doesn’t need goals. And now that has all come back to bite her, because she does not pay attention to things that may potentially bite her, because she’s a fucking idiot with no goals, and yet with money. Nobody told her what the world is like. She only knows what the world is like from her own press releases, which she probably doesn’t even read. It’s pathetic.

Putin
There’s more to this missile shield flap than meets the eye, I’m betting.

Immigration
Good lord, what a bunch of idiots we are. More on this later, when I have time to think about it.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Handbag! It's hell in a handbag!
(Oh, wait, maybe it's "to Hades in a Prada Purse!" or "to Bedlam in a belly pouch!"

Will J, in San Jose.

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>.“In a match seemingly made in tabloid heaven, the father of murdered child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey and the mother of missing-in-Aruba teen Natalee Holloway are dating, FOX News has confirmed.”

> Gah! Kill me now!

Whatever you do, don't think of the likely TV movie, with JonBenet and Natalee smiling down, from Heaven, on the love-struck couple....

-D.E.

1:11 PM  

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