Monday, April 24, 2006

Zombie blog

STUMP THE ZOMBIE!
Taking a break from work, it occurred to me to write this, in a fiery sweat of inspiration! Please, send me money.

Zombie, how many quarts in a gallon?
[Zombie walks into wall, falls over. Buzzer sounds.]
I’m sorry. Your time is up. The correct answer is three. Next category – arts and letters. What famous Latin saying is attributed to Rene Descartes. Please, no prompting from the audience.
[Zombie bites the neck of a cameraman. Blood spouts. Buzzer sounds.]
Again, time is up. The correct answer, of course, is “Lave sus manos.” We have time for one more round—
[Zombie tears arm off game show host, starts to eat it. Game show host falls down screaming, spouting blood. Panic-stricken audience dashes for exits, only to find them blocked by zombie hordes. Mass devouring ensues. Buzzer sounds. Cut to commercial]

Non-zombie-related news.
The name of Tom 'n Katie's baby, Suri, means "Get out of here" in Hebrew.

Even as I write....
Steve Baker, Duck's Breath's manager, just e-mailed me this, (well, more, this just an excerpt) from the London Observer:

"...there is one thing that distinguishes PT-141 from the 4,000 years' worth of recorded medicinal aphrodisiacs that precede it: this one actually works. And it could reach the market in as little as three years. The full range of possible risks and side effects has yet to be determined, but already this much is known: a dose of PT-141 results, in most cases, in a stirring in the loins in as little as 15 minutes. Women, according to one set of results, feel 'genital warmth, tingling and throbbing', not to mention 'a strong desire to have sex'."

Apparently it goes to work directly on the brain, and will be targetted mainly to males with erectile dysfunction. (And when is a punk going to grab that name, I wonder?)

What shall we call it when it comes time for marketing?

Well, Viagra's taken. I suggest--
Ohface 3000.
Lubrishis
Yes Juice
Tremblo
Boot Knocker
Mo Moist
Pudding Tang
Shagra

By the Way
After extensive research in the blogosphere, I have learned that the proper way to refer to a lunatic conservative is "wingnut." A lunatic liberal, on the other hand, is a "moonbat." Please mark this down for future reference.




2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coincidentally, "Good Eats" on the Food Network included the following quote yesterday:

John Milton wrote, "turnip greens awaken slumbering desire in even the most quiescent spouse."

So, it begs the question: Could PT-141 be a turnip green derivative? Oh, the possibilities for commercials!

-D.E.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

And torpid spouses everywhere do adore their turnip greens.
mk

3:37 PM  

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