Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar-Free Blog

The Move
I spent the major part of the week installing the Aged Parents into a managed care facility, called an “old folks’ home” back when I was a tad. It was very stressful for all involved, but at the end of the move, there was a visible look of relief on my mother’s face. We managed to keep Dad out of the way for most of the process, but when the movers brought his scooter out, he got on it and began driving it in and out of the unit, hampering the movers’ progress. Mother finally actually said to him, “Don’t drive that thing in the house.” Poor Dad. At one point, I was unpacking a box and Dad said to me, matter-of-factly, “I don’t remember where I am.”

In other news
President Bush has apparently made some kind of deal with India whereby India gets to develop nuclear plants, and we get to import Indian mangos. There’s a quid pro quo for you.

Marking the historic occasion, President Bush claimed that “..the United States is looking forward to eating Indian mangos.” As I’m sure we are.

That Ann Coulter. What a caution!
From her Oscars column:

Is the idea of gay cowboys really that new? Didn't the Village People do that a couple of decades ago? Am I the only person who saw John Travolta in "Urban Cowboy"?

Movies with the same groundbreaking theme to come:
-- "Westward Homo!"
-- "The Magnificent, Fabulous Seven"
-- "Gunfight at the K-Y Corral"
-- "How West Hollywood Was Won"

Why that’s so funny.
She took the phrase “Westward Ho!” and turned it into “Westward Homo!” It’s kind of a play on words. Adding “Fabulous” to “The Magnificent Seven” gently lets us know that the Seven in question are gay, because gay people use the word “fabulous” a lot. K-Y is a lubricant very popular with gay people, and West Hollywood has a large gay population.

But URBAN COWBOY, I’m sorry to say, was not a gay cowboy movie. (Charlie Daniels was in it. Q.E.D.) Ann Coulter could probably remake it as BLOWJOB COWBOY, though. That would be funny, because gay people like blowjobs.

Speaking of gay movies…
Michelle Williams, who plays Heath Ledger’s wife in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, and has been nominated for an Oscar, got her start at Christian Youth Theater in San Diego.

According to the San Diego Union Tribune, “BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is a long way from the rigorous religious precepts of Santa Fe Christian and the G-rated productions of “The Sound of Music” at CYT.”

The gracious and beaming Santa Fe Christian headmaster Jim Hopson told the paper. “We don't want to have anything to do with her in relation to that movie. Michelle doesn't represent the values of this institution.”

Choking back tears of emotion, he continued, “We would not approve of her movies and TV shows. We'd not like to be tied to BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. I hope we offered her something in life. But she made the kinds of choices of which we wouldn't approve.”

Pointing proudly to a photograph of Ms. Williams from a CYT production of ANNIE, he said, “BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN basically promotes a lifestyle we don't promote. It's not the word of God.”

Did you hear…?
The Vice President shot a guy!

Crime news!
CourtTV has informed me that a man vandalized the restroom of a Mexican restaurant in Council Bluff, Iowa, because he thought the employees had put hot sauce in his tacos. The restaurant, Taco John's, does not put hot sauce directly on its food.

More Christian news.

According to WIREDNEWS, “…RFID… is fast becoming a part of passports and payment cards, and is widely expected to replace bar-code labels on consumer goods. RFID chips contain unique identification codes, and can be read at varying distances with special reader devices.”

Apparently, these chips – which can be installed subcutaneously in humans – may be the Mark of the Beast.

From Reuters:
“Half of 1,000 Americans randomly surveyed by the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum could name at least two of the five members of Fox Television's Simpson family, the stars of the network's long-running show.

“But just 28 percent of respondents could name more than one of the five freedoms listed in the U.S. Constitution's First Amendment -- about the same proportion that could name all five Simpson family members or could recall the three judges on Fox TV's top-rated AMERICAN IDOL.”

Testing myself, I found I could not remember the baby’s name from THE SIMPSONS, could remember Paula Abdul’s name, but not her face, and had forgotten all about the “freedom to petition for redress of grievances” right. Do we still have that? Or have all the trial lawyers been put in prison?

Finally finally.
I will be avoiding the Oscars, as is my custom, but somebody please tell me whether Michelle Williams, if she wins, gives a special thanks to all the wonderful warm people at Christian Youth Theater.


Anonymous Obstinate Goat said...

The littlest Simpson is Maggie, you silly thing.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Jim Hopson didn't want his school associated with Brokeback Mountain, he should have kept his big fat bigoted mouth shut. I'd never heard of the place until he brought it up.

5:48 PM  

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