Monday, January 02, 2006

The Ass Hat Blog

Happy New Year!
This year sucks. Isn’t it over yet? Man, I can’t WAIT until 2007.

Speaking of 007, and things English…
From AFP:

… The School of Textiles and Design at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh have begun what is believed to be the world's first-ever study on how women's clothing affects the bottom.

Models with variously sized posteriors will wear different types of clothing as part of the research, which will examine how designs, colours, patterns and fabric types affect perception.

Others will be asked to assess how big or small each model's backside appears to look in the outfits.

"This study will provide for the first time detailed and usable information that would enable designers to make the clothes that help women make the most of their natural assets," said Dr Lisa Macintyre, who is leading the study….

Awww, I think.
From Reuters:

The Washington couple at the heart of the CIA leak investigation had their cover blown by their small son as they tried to sneak away on vacation on Thursday.

"My daddy's famous, my mommy's a secret spy," declared the 5-year-old of his parents, former diplomat Joe Wilson and retired CIA operative Valerie Plame.

The former spy, who just retired from the agency, and the diplomat have been at the center of a CIA leak scandal that has reached into the White House.

They said they were headed to an undisclosed vacation location with their twins but stopped for a brief interview inside the airport terminal.

Nature: red in tooth and claw. And fits in a teacup.
From the Associated Press, this breaking news from Fremont, California:

“A pack of angry Chihuahuas attacked a police officer who was escorting a teenager home following a traffic stop, authorities said.”

Blogging gets bloody.
James Wolcott, after unleashing sarcasm on a conservative blogger in his blog (he called Daniel Pipes a “patronizing little shit”), found HIMSELF the target of a number of sarcastic comments. Such is the blogosphere!

He noticed an odd subcurrent in the comments, however; there was this.

"May he be kidnapped by 'insurgents' in Iraq then appear on an ugly net broadcast. I wonder, if in the moment before the knife started sawing into his fleashy [sic] neck if he might rethink his opinions on the GWOT."

I actually went myself to the blog Wolcott cited, and found this:

“If Daniel Pipes is a patronizing little sh*t, then James Wolcott is a treasonous little c*cksucker who needs to be put against the wall and shot so he can fellate his Islamofacist splodeydope friends in hell.”

Now that’s what I call elevating the discourse!

Wolcott wondered if the whole “liberals-dying-horribly-at-the-hands-of-terrorists” thing might be a trope among rightwing bloggers, so he went surfing. He found this - Anna Benson, with a message to Michael Moore:

"You are a selfish, pathetic excuse for an American, and you can take your big fat ass over to Iraq and get your pig head cut off and stuck on a pig pole. Then, you can have your equally as fat wife make a documentary about how loudly you squealed while terrorists were cutting through all the blubber and chins to get that 40 pound head off of you."

That reads like something the Manson Family might smear on a wall in blood, doesn’t it?

Another commenter at Little Green Footballs, one of the more self-righteous rightwing blogs, said:

"Funny thing, the liberal mindset: expend all energy on phantom 'enemys', [sic] meanwhile the real enemy pounds at the fucking gate, ready to chop off their heads."

But my question is, how will the “Islamofascists” know which of us are treasonous lefties, and which aren’t? And even if they could tell the difference, wouldn’t they be better off chopping the heads off rightwingers, who want to win the war, than treasonous lefties, who just want to free Mumia, and fuck everything else?

For those who are curious, I found this at

“’Dopes’… is shorthand for "splodeydopes." These are the folks who (a) strap on the explosive belts and (b) detonate themselves in public places in order to (c) murder innocent people (d) at the behest of their masters, who as a general rule tend to avoid blowing themselves up.”

Apparently, the folks at Little Green Footballs (or LGF) made the word up, along with “idiotarian” and “pajamadeen.” I don’t how many of these neologisms will permanently enter the language.

“Blog” is a neologism too!
I’m either envious or frightened of neologisms. There’s no in-between with me. There’s the Manson Family “creepy crawling,” you may recall, and the term “grok,” taken from a Robert Heinlein novel, to mean- oh, who cares any more. Others include “soccer mom,” “quark,” “radar,” and, well, “neologism.”

I have created some neologisms. I don’t know to what they refer. Maybe you can help me out.

Garbabble. Overheard cell phone conversations on public transportation? I dunno.

Fucking fuckers. Republicans, for now. This could change. I want to copyright this phrase!

Snail tails. The little trail of slime left by our gastropod brothers and sisters.

Butt shoe. What to wear when we have our foot up our own asses.

Brown jobbie. Taken from “Heck of a job,” and “Brownie.”

Blogly. Adjective to describe ugly content on a blog?

Ripey. Right wing hippie/libertarian. Found mainly in Alaska, Idaho, and Montana.

Numbed down. The stage media will advance to when we are all suitably “dumbed down.”

Rapola. Refers to stupid hip-hop lyrics.

Nargly. Again, no idea. Great word though!


Blogger Merle Kessler said...

BTW- For all things current, neologistically streetwisely speaking, check out--

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some guesses:
Garbabble: The rabble that go around pretending to be Garbo. They just want to be alone!

Nargly: Refers to any inappropriately glittery person, such as a certain "Patrick Tribett" mugshot....


6:19 AM  

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