Saturday, February 04, 2006

My blog saw its shadow! And was afraid of it!

Why I avoid today's animated features.
From a radio ad for HOODWINKED: “…a snowboarding granny voiced by Glenn Close!”

“Wow Dad! Glenn Close is voicing the snowboarding granny! Can we go? Please please?”

What is this THING we have with hard-boiled grannies as a source of humor? Grannies on Harleys. Grannies cursing. Grannies hot-rodding.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day
Heroin-filled puppies!

Muslim outrage over cartoons?
Denmark newspapers showed a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed with a bomb in his turban, among other images insulting to Islam. Certain Muslims did not like that. In London, crowds chanted, “You must pay, 7/7 is on its way" Riots! Over goddam cartoons!

Can I move to a different planet now? Full of atheists and heroin-free puppies?

From the Guardian:
Jack Straw, the foreign secretary, denounced the decision to republish the cartoons, saying press freedom carried an obligation not "to be gratuitously inflammatory". Mr Straw, at a press conference in London, said that while he was committed to press freedom, "I believe that the republication of these cartoons has been insulting, it has been insensitive, it has been disrespectful and it has been wrong". He praised the British press, which up to yesterday had not published the cartoons, for showing "considerable responsibility and sensitivity".

Weasel.

From Reuters:
"The Indonesian government condemns the printing of the caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad. The insult to religious symbols have hurt the feelings of the Muslim," President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono told a news conference.

Your feelings are hurt? Your FEELINGS are hurt? Poor frail little flower, did that bully Denmark give you an icky feeling in your tummy? Show me on the doll where Denmark touched you.

From The New York Times:
The Muslim world erupted in anger on Friday over caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad published in Europe while the Bush administration offered the protesters support, saying of the cartoons, "We find them offensive, and we certainly understand why Muslims would find these images offensive."

Weasels.

In other news…
Barry Bonds, who always looks vaguely aggrieved and pained, even when he smiles, is going to be the star of his own reality series on ESPN. Predicted quote: “Get that camera out of here.”

Thoughts on last month's Osama Bin Laden speech.
Bin Laden is a liberal.

He said:

“The sensible people realize that Bush does not have a plan to make his alleged victory in Iraq come true. And if you compare the small number of dead on the day that Bush announced the end of major operations in that fake, ridiculous show aboard the aircraft carrier with the tenfold number of dead and wounded who were killed in the smaller operations, you would know the truth of what I say. This is that Bush and his administration do not have the will or the ability to get out of Iraq for their own private, suspect reasons.”

Conservative bloggers had a field day with his speech, noting with glee that he echoes many sentiments held by “progressives” in the United States.

Unfortunately, this chortling ignores what neo-con neo-god Leo Strauss called the “reductio ad hitlerum” fallacy. That is, just because an evil person holds an opinion doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

On the other hand, there is the all-too-human corollary: “Maybe I need to hear this, but I don’t need to hear it from YOU.”

Bin Laden comes in peace.
He said: “We don't mind offering you a long-term truce on fair conditions that we adhere to.”

The left takes this offer of a truce to be a sign of strength. The right takes it to be a sign of weakness.

Take your pick, but keep your eye out for another planet, one occupied only by atheists and heroin-free puppies.

Interesting side note:
Bin Laden made a book recommendation:
“And if Bush decides to carry on with his lies and oppression, then it would be useful for you to read the book ROGUE STATE, which states in its introduction: ‘If I were president, I would stop the attacks on the United States: First I would give an apology to all the widows and orphans and those who were tortured. Then I would announce that American interference in the nations of the world has ended once and for all.’”

Beloved conservative columnist Victor Davis Hansen called this book a “screed.” What a great word! Sales have skyrocketed here in the U.S. after Bin Laden’s endorsement. Go figure.

Finally:
This from the AP, showing that the government that can’t shoot straight can still pull off a good double cross when it feels like it:

“Interior Department officials, ordered to pay $7 million to lawyers for American Indians suing the government for lost royalties, cut Indian programs to find most of the money.”

Elouise Cobell, Blackfeet Indian and lead plaintiff in the lawsuit told the Associated Press: “This is totally unreal. Sometimes I think the government’s behavior has deteriorated to the bottom of the basement, and things like this happen, and I think it’s gone to the fiery bowels of the earth.”

Fiery Bowels of the Earth? Hmm....
If it’s also full of atheists and heroin-free puppies, I am so there…. In the meantime, I will be enjoying a Superbowl-free Sunday, and using the quiet time to craft my parody of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, starring Jesus and Mohammed. It is my hope that radical evangelical Christians and radical Islamists will be so incensed by it that they will come after me, meet on the road, and blow each other up. It’s a good plan, and I’m sticking to it.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My opinion: There's something seriously wrong with any religion that doesn't have a sense of humor about itself.

12:48 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home