Saturday, September 17, 2005

Puppies and Kittens and Rove! Oh my!

I suppose little lambies are out of the question too.
From AFP: Brigitte Bardot, the 1950s and 1960s film star turned animal rights campaigner, has called on the French government to halt the reported use by fishermen on the island of Reunion of live puppies and kittens as shark bait.

And the dead puppies are all out snagging sharks.
From Reuters: A German inventor said he has developed a method to produce crude oil products from waste that he believes can be an answer to the soaring costs of fuel, but denied a German newspaper story implying he also used dead cats.

No more jolly Germans.
From the Associated Press: “Interior Minister Otto Schily ordered passport authorities to only accept pictures taken from the front showing the ‘most neutral facial expression possible,’ starting Nov. 1. Facial recognition systems match key features on the holder's face and work best when the face has a neutral expression with the mouth closed. ‘A broad smile, however nice it may be, is therefore unacceptable,’ the Interior Ministry said in a statement.”

Passport holders may, however, pose with dead kittens.

God bless America, where you can play Doom until your thumbs fall off!
From Gamespot: The Chinese government has set mandatory limits on online game play. The limits are set to go into effect in 2006: “Basically, play more than three hours and the system cuts a game character's ability by half. Play more than five hours and the system reduces a game character's ability to the lowest level possible.”

You had me at “I do.”
Renee Zellweger filed for divorce from her husband of four months, citing “fraud” as the reason. In a statement to the press she said this was "simply legal language and not a reflection of Kenny's character."

Ms. Zellweger’s next movie?
In 1993, Heather C. Tallchief, a driver for Loomis Armored in Las Vegas, made off with an armored car and $2.5 million. This week she surrendered to federal authorities in Las Vegas, after 12 years on the lam.

Her alleged accomplice, Roberto Solis, is still at large.

According to the New York Times, “Ms. Tallchief's lawyer, Robert Axelrod, interviewed his client on videotape in Los Angeles in hopes of selling her story to Hollywood. The two people said they would use the proceeds to reimburse the stolen money.”

Apparently, the crime was all his fault. She had met him in a bar, and began a relationship with him. He “kept an altar in his apartment with a goat's head, crystals and tarot cards, all of which she initially found shocking but came to accept his beliefs, particularly that their meeting and ‘spiritual journey’ were predestined.

He “showed her tapes in the weeks leading up to the crime that had a hypnotic effect.”

She said, "They allegedly opened your mind but made you more receptive. They had lots of swirling colors like a tie-dye t-shirt."

She didn’t even see any of the money. Since the crime, she has been living in Amsterdam, pretending to be English, and eking out a living as a hotel maid.

Of Mr. Solis, she said, "He wrote poetry. I knew his mother. He was a very normal person. If you sat down and met him, you would probably actually enjoy him. You would laugh at his jokes. You would think he was a nice person. There was never anything about him that you would think he was a heinous, horrible murdering con."

I know I feel better.
From ZD Net: “For nearly half of 600 bloggers surveyed, blogging is a form of therapy, America Online said Friday, referring to research conducted by Digital Marketing Services.”

Bruce Lee lives!
From the Associated Press: Bruce Lee fans are urging the Hong Kong government to help pay for a bronze statue to mark the actor's 65th birthday in November. The Bruce Lee Club is planning to erect an 8-foot-2-inch statue of the martial arts legend on the Avenue of Stars, which honors Hong Kong movie stars, said Hew Kuan-yau, a member of the club's committee.

Bruce Lee lives some more!
From the Independent: “The town of Mostar (Bosnia), where the destruction of a celebrated 300-year-old bridge became a symbol of the war's savagery, is planning to erect a life-sized bronze statue of the late martial arts legend as a symbol of peace.”

Vesselin Gatalo, a local writer who helped spearhead the project, told the Independent, "The monument to Bruce Lee in the heart of Mostar would be a reminder of children's dreams of a more just world, where sheer force is not the value that counts, but rather the skill, speed and willpower of a man who fought for justice.”

According to the Independent, “some citizens wanted a way to mark the town's better days, when its colourful ethnic make-up was a source of pride. They decided the answer was Bruce Lee, whose movies were wildly popular among the youth of former Yugoslavia, regardless of background.”

Recalled Mr. Gatalo, fondly, I assume: "I will never forget how we used to run to the cinema to watch his movies. Afterwards young Roma [Gypsy] kids, still carried away by the movie, would catch other kids in front of the cinema and beat them while others would shout, 'Give him the Karate Deathchop!'"

In other news:
From Reuters: “An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.”

Stop presses!
From the Washington Post: “Slightly more than half of American teenagers, ages 15 to 19, have engaged in oral sex, with females and males reporting similar levels of experience, according to the most comprehensive national survey of sexual behaviors ever released by the federal government. The report today by the National Center for Health Statistics shows that the figure increases to about 70 percent of 18- and 19-year-olds.”

But as President Clinton revealed, oral sex is not really sex, per se. The chastity of our youth is intact!

Christian comic
As part of MSM’s continuing outreach to the conservative community, the New York Times recently ran a profile of an evangelical comic. Sample joke: I'm trying to find elements of evolution that are suspect. Like, if it took a billion years for a bug to develop camouflage, what did he do in the meantime - hiii-iiide?"

No, you idiot, he got EATEN.

He told the Times: "Christians have never had a guy with an attitude who's hip and in-your-face before."

Further, he claimed: "I don't want to be polarizing. I don't want to be Andrew Dice Clay, who had great success but was destined to fail because he offended people. But my feeling is, if you're offended by the truth, that's your problem. If I say the country was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, and you don't like it, that's your problem. It's the truth. To pretend that the Founding Fathers were liberal - come on. They were hard-core."


Is that why Thomas Jefferson re-wrote the gospels, eliminating all references to miracles? He also wrote, in NOTES ON VIRGINIA, “The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury to my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

Thomas Paine wrote, “I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church.”

Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter, a month before he died, “As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the world ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupt changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some Doubts as to his divinity; tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and I think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an Opportunity of knowing the Truth with less Trouble...."

But otherwise, yes, they were flinty church-goin' men, in-your-face, hard-core, and hip as hell.

Be afraid.
Karl Rove, White House deputy chief of staff, and President Bush’s top adviser, is now in charge of the Louisiana/Mississippi reconstruction effort. When this scumsucking carpetbagger gets done with the region, I predict, all blame will be laid at the feet of liberals, as poor neighborhoods are razed to build condos for entrepreneurs, all, of course, constructed by the poor at sub-minimum wages. And the dark lords of Halliburton will hold dominion over all.


Blogger Merle Kessler said...

Bodybuilding? Wha? Huh? Um....

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No need! You may be thinking of
Ian Shoales. Merle Kessler is considerably more "buff" than that guy. I think it may be because Mr. Shoales _insists_ on driving a
dead cat-powered car!


8:57 AM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

Love your blog. I can't even remember how I found it but I read it regularly now (I hope I don't have nightmares about dangling kittens and puppies now). Unfortunately, you are probably right that once Rove is through spinning this Katrina thing, none of the aftermath will be this administration's fault and GW will be a great and moral leader. Gag me. BTW, I'm from Olympia, WA.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

My blushes, Brenda. Thank you. But what about this whole bodybuilding thing?

8:32 PM  

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