Sunday, March 13, 2005

Tell it to the Marines!

Take your Beemer and shove it, leatherneck.
The Detroit News reports the United Auto Workers International “will no longer allow members of the 1st Battalion 24th Marines to park at Solidarity House if they are driving foreign cars or displaying pro-President Bush bumper stickers.” Commanding Officer Lt. Col. Joe Rutledge said that the debate over parking privileges was “silly.” Then the marines secured the area and called in an air strike.

Ghosts?
The president of Malawi has moved out of his 300-room mansion, claiming that it’s haunted.

Haunted?
According to the Kansas City Star, Missouri Representative Russ Carnahan has “already received more than a thousand letters about President Bush's plan to add personal investment accounts to Social Security.”

Carnahan, a Democrat, told the Star, “I think you could probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of letters that are for privatization," said Carnahan.”

I find it amusing that President Bush, having created deficits that put Social Security at risk, now wants to get rid of it altogether. Talk about blame the victim!

Old commies!
Charlie Jarvis, head of USANext, AARP’s nemesis, told the New York Times Sunday Magazine about his future plans to demonize the oldsters: “In a few weeks, there will be ads that very specifically and aggressively brand AARP for what they are, the planet's largest liberal lobbying organization. When they are honest about that, we will take a large number of their members away.”

Asked if he had anything good to say about AARP, he responded: “I have nothing positive to say about their goals. They are stodgy, out-of-date and they don't really know the facts about an issue like Social Security. We do.”

He’s right. Old people are ignorant and a drag on the economy. They should spend their waning days on this planet anxiously watching stock market returns.

End Time evidence, x in a series.
The New York Times informed me that the Style Network has introduced "’Craft Corner Deathmatch,’" an unconventional game show in which two amateur crafters go head to head in timed trials, trying to make the best pillow out of old couch fabric or a brooch using only candy.”

The loser will be secured by US Marines, and turned over to the custody of Charlie Jarvis.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What Charlie Jarvis is overlooking is that a lot of seniors don't really care about the AARP's politics. They just want the discount card.

6:46 AM  

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