Thursday, September 23, 2004

Valley of the Dull

Janet Jackson’s Expensive Anatomy Lesson
The accidental or intentional exposure of a pear-shaped breast at half time during a nationally-televised football game will cost CBS half a million dollars.

It’s just a milk gland, for Christ’s sake. Get over it.

F***ing Brilliant.
Linguistics professor Janet Holmes, leader of a study from New Zealand’s Victoria University in New Zealand , has written in the Journal of Pragmatics, "Forms of f*** occur frequently in certain contexts and serve a range of functions, including the role of positive politeness strategy. F*** is regularly associated with expressions of solidarity, including friendly terms of address."

Mea Culpa.
According to the Guardian, BBC3 controller Stuart Murphy has decided to cancel a cartoon, POPETOWN, following complaints from the Catholic Church.

“The series, which has been planned for over a year, portrays a childish fictional pope who pogo-sticks around the Vatican.

The 10-part animated series billed by the BBC as an ‘office comedy set in the Vatican’, portrayed the Pope and his immediate entourage as a bunch of childish, bickering, back-stabbers.”

Maybe we could re-fashion it as BUSHTOWN.

RIP Russ Meyers
Anybody who has seen FASTER PUSSYCAT KILL KILL! would have to admit it is the best go go dancers in sports cars on a desert rampage movie ever made. “See you girls in church!”

Rather Not
AP: “Station managers at several CBS affiliates said Thursday they appear to be a target of a national e-mail campaign placing pressure on the network to oust Dan Rather as anchorman of the CBS Evening News."

Ooh Baby Baby It’s a Wild World
A plane containing Yusuf Islam, the former Cat Stevens, was diverted to Bangor Maine, and the zealot detained. His name had been on a no-fly list.

So how did he get on the plane?

Homeland Security’s lovable Tom Ridge told the Agence France-Presse, "Unfortunately, United Airlines had the information and they didn't act on it before he got on the airplane.''

But Jeff Green, a spokesman for United Airlines, told the New York Times. “That is not necessarily a very fair assessment on Secretary Ridge's part. … The system did not flag him as a no-fly passenger.''

Maybe they could blame Dan Rather.

And When You Reach The Other Side, Waffles For Everybody!
Researchers from the University of Minnesota have reported in The American Institute of Chemical Engineers Journal that you can swim in syrup just as fast as you can in water. The medium used for their experiment was 300 kilograms of guar gum poured into a 25-meter swimming pool.

Which Twin is the Evil One?
Lawyers for the Olsen Twins have ordered a tee-shirt maker to cease and desist in the manufacture of its “Save Mary-Kate” shirt. The tee-shirt featured a caricature of a not-gaunt-in-any-way Mary-Kate. Look for it on eBay, if you have nothing better to do.

See you in church, girls.


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