Monday, September 20, 2004

Mysteries of the Universe. And More!

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Probe
Pioneer 10 and 11 probes are about to leave our solar system, but appear to be in the “grip of a mysterious force” holding them back. Some scientists claim that “dark matter” is the culprit, others that our understanding of basic laws of gravity may be flawed.

Me, I think they’re lonely, afraid, bitter at being cast away from the solar system that has been their home. Give them some time (and space, of course), and they'll throw away their name tags, and join the growing community of expatriate robotic entities.

You go girl! Don’t go there!
Mintel, a UK consumer research organization recently conducted a survey, which revealed that most 7 to 10 year old girls use makeup. Therefore, is Mintel’s advice, cosmetics companies should place cosmetics vending machines in schools and movie theatres.

Ever mindful of ethical concerns, however, the Mintel survey concludes, "Cosmetic manufacturers must be ever mindful of the fine line they tread between encouraging children to look and behave like adults and promoting their products as being good, clean fun."

And lest we forget, Britney and J. Lo are not as popular as they used to be. (Britney got married! Congratulations!}

Good work men! I’ll be over here, trying to balance my checkbook.
Apparently the Riemann hypothesis is the “holy grail of mathematics.” If proven, it would explain the random pattern of prime numbers, like 3 or 17, essential to internet cryptography.

I don’t know what the Riemann hypothesis is, exactly, but it could provide understanding of how prime numbers work, which could be useful in making a kind of prime number spectrometer, which would destroy e-commerce.
If not, it could certainly provide the plot for a really hard-to-follow James Bond movie, one that would end with Mr. Bond hurtling through flames into deep water as the arch-villain shouts to his henchmen, “Get the disc!”

Oh, Esther.
Two of Madonna’s Israeli bodyguards clocked photogs as they waited to snap her visage outside her hotel in Tel Aviv. They were detained for questioning. Madonna is studying the Kaballah, by the way, with the renowned Hebrew scholars Donna Karan and Ivana Trump.

More crime.
Edward Furlong, the kid in T2, was arrested in Kentucky after on a misdemeanor charge after he tried to liberate a tank of lobsters from a grocery store. He was allegedly drunk at the time.

People who live in brick houses….
Rick James’ autopsy revealed the presence of methamphetamine, cocaine, Xanax, Valium, Wellbrutin, Celaxa, Digoxin, Chlorpheniramine, and Vicodine.

Outta Here?
If Bush is reelected, the following Cabinet members may not stick around:
--Secretary of State Colin Powell
--National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice
--Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge
--Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld
--Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson
--Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta
--Education Secretary Rod Paige

Meanwhile, back on the Street…
Three well-groomed Russian kids, about sixteen: One kid was talking on his cell phone, while the second, armed with a battery-operated razor, was shaving the forehead of the third.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, not like I'm too lazy to register, but anyway, dbmt is so darn insightful.

bubba

11:44 AM  

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