Sunday, May 28, 2006

The tallest blog in the world.

What Would Jesus Leg Press?
Last April, you may recall, The New York Times revealed that Madeleine Albright can leg-press 400 lbs. Not to be outdone, I guess, the Reverend Pat Robertson revealed on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s Web site that he can leg press a ton.

Some have questioned this claim. Supposedly, you can’t even get a machine that will hold 2000 lbs. Plus, the guy is 76 years old. And, um, you know, crazy.

A spokeswoman for CBN explained it to the Associated Press this way: "Pat is so healthy. This is something he trained for over an extended period of time. He lives a very healthy, regimented life."

Also, according to the Associated Press, the Web site attributes Robertson's energy in part to “his age-defying protein shake." The site has a recipe for the shake, which contains ingredients such as soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, flaxseed oil and apple cider vinegar.

This is news?
So I was listening to ABC News on the radio, and there was some story or other about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and the newscaster actually referred to the couple as “Bradjolie.” This wasn't some tabloid gossip head, but a reader on the actual news, from the actual Main Stream Media.

What is up with that? Remember when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were an item? That’s so ten minutes ago, I know, but I often heard them referred to as “Bennifer.”

What the hell is this all about? We’re supposed to consider two celebrities in love as an entirely new unique being? Something that will absorb all it touches?

But what if the love of Brad and Angelina is truly one of the great loves of all time? What if they win the Nobel Peace Prize, a mutual Oscar, and the cover of PEOPLE, VANITY FAIR, and TIME simultaneously? Think of the headline: BRADJOLIE CURES CANCER! BRADJOLIE BRING WORLD PEACE! We’ll feel mighty foolish then.

Or maybe we should retrofit all the great loves of the world:

Roliet.
Tristolde.
Antonapatra.
Joko.
Trepburn.
Abeloise.
Billary. Oh wait…. It’s been done.

Speaking of love….
In Germany, a swan has fallen in love with a swan-shaped paddle boat.

Because it was where?
From the Associated Press:
“The story, an open secret in the crowded nylon city of Mt. Everest base camp, trickled out from the high Himalayas: a British mountaineer desperate for oxygen had collapsed along a well-traveled route to the summit. Dozens of people walked right past him, unwilling to risk their own ascents. Within hours, David Sharp, 34, was dead.”

Up to forty people, apparently, rushed past him in their zeal to get to the summit. Among them was David Inglis, the first double amputee to achieve that goal.

From Reuters: “The Himalayan Times had reported Friday that the Nepali climbing guide, whose name it gave as Lakpa Tharke, stood naked for three minutes in freezing conditions on the 29,035-foot summit of the world's highest peak.”

If you have to wade through dying Brits and naked Sherpas just to experience oxygen deprivation, I say the hell with it.

Freegans
From Reuters:

“Some call them ‘dumpster divers,’ others brand them ‘skip lickers,’ but Ross Parry and Ash Falkingham like to count themselves among the Freegans -- a growing band of foragers who seek to live entirely from the waste of others.

“In this brief trip to a small supermarket skip in southeast London, they have recovered enough food to provide themselves -- and several others -- with an impressive evening meal, as well as bread, muffins and teabags for the next morning's breakfast.

“Freeganism, derived from the words ‘free’ and ‘vegan,’ is spreading to Britain from the United States, where one of its founding fathers, Adam Weissman, has set up a Freegan information Web site to persuade others to join him.”

I say they’re hippies, and I say to hell with them.

I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton, but come on….
From SLATE:
“…[T]he New York Post put to Hillary the key culturally identifying question of our era: What's on your iPod? Musical taste is eternally revealing, and thanks to the growing ubiquity of MP3 players, many people now wear this signifying data on their belts. The senator from New York responded that she has the Beatles and the Rolling Stones on the white iPod that her husband gave her for a birthday present, along with Motown and classical music. She then rattled off a list of songs: the Beatles ‘Hey Jude,’ Aretha Franklin's, ‘Respect,’ the Eagles ‘Take It to the Limit,’ and U2's ‘Beautiful Day.’

“Hillary Clinton is the least spontaneous of politicians, and this playlist suggests premeditation, if not actual poll-testing. She first indicates that she basically likes everything before coming to roost on classic rock and soul, which any baby boomer must identify with, lest she or he be branded terminally uncool. Hillary avoids, however, anything too racy, druggie, or aggressive, while naming tunes that are empowering and inspirational.”

What the hell is she supposed to listen to? Flipper, Black Flag, Black Sabbath, the Germs, Devo, the Ramones, and Metallica? SHE’S A POLITICIAN!!!

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you could leg-press a ton, would you be satisfied with telling people on a website about it? Wouldn't you want to document it, with some authoritative observers, and video?

And do his legs qualify as "lethal weapons"? If not officially, how about for the purpose of Professional Wrestling?

-D.E.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Texas Jaye said...

Blog naked, but stay the hell off Everest. It is good to know that these fine naturalists, spiritualists will indeed step over a man who was actually alive, to do their own thing.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

Dept. of Corrections. My wife informs me that the correct solecism is "Bradjelina." I regret the error.

9:18 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home