Whole Grain Blog

Scott Baio Tweets!

“Wife calls Obama a ‘Shitfuck’ and I believe she’s right.”

This innocuous posting on Scott Baio’s Twitter/Whatever inspired a bunch of leftie responses, leading Baio to block people from his account, and eventually to his appearing on television with Glenn Beck, where they had the following exchange:

BAIO: … But and somebody said on the Twitter, why am I going against the grain in terms of my beliefs. And I said, I thought I was the grain. I thought the things that I believed in were the things that this country stood for. And there's very few things that I truly believe in and --

GLENN: Hang on just a wait a minute. I've got to go back to that. Why would you go against the grain on what you believe in?

BAIO: No, no. They felt that what I believed was against the grain.

GLENN: Yeah, but what difference does the grain make if you believe in something?

BAIO: Well, I don't know. And my argument was I thought I was the grain.

GLENN: You are.

BAIO: I thought the way that I thought in terms of politics and country

GLENN: Yeah.

BAIO: Were things that I grew up with. I believe in the military. I believe in people doing for themselves, which is what I was taught as a boy. You provide for yourself; don't look for anybody. I believe in keeping what you make, or most of it. And I believe in killing bad guys.

GLENN: See, that's the problem. That is the grain of America. But too many people see dismiss those, depending on what their party says they're for. The parties mean nothing. The candidates mean nothing. It's the grain. And if the candidate is for the grain, then okay, that's my guy.

Scott Baio is famous for being Chachi, and if you don’t know who that is you’re not alone. I don’t know what this “grain” business is all about. But if we could find that grain, and remove it from the horse’s hoof, maybe we could get the crops in on time, and save some money on veterinarian bills. That’s all I’m saying.

Good Writin’ from Frank Rich

“If Heene’s balloon was empty, so were the toxic financial instruments, inflated by the thin air of unsupported debt, that cratered the economy he inhabits.”

See, the toxic financial instruments, like Heene’s balloon, were empty. That is, there was no child being borne aloft by the toxic financial instruments.

Ted Rall demands it!

MR OBAMA: RESIGN NOW

And yet President Obama remains President. Once again, the will of Ted Rall has been thwarted.

Brent Bozell III, on the job.

On "Family Guy," the lead character tells his son that he should be the "best leader of the household" he can. So the son pushes his rear end into his sister's face and flatulates, and then punches his mother in the face. On "American Dad," a female dentist saves the lead character from a shooting. When she approaches for a hug, he punches her in the face and takes her gun. See the "hilarious" pattern?

…

On "Family Guy," a joke about the "extensive divorce procedure required by 18th century society" is illustrated by the lead character shooting his daughter dead with a musket. On "American Dad," there's so-called comedy in suggesting lawn sprinklers are a deadly household hazard. In a cautionary film, two little girls are shown playing catch with a doll, when one girl trips and lands on the sprinkler, which pokes through her chest cavity. The sprinkler showers the house, lawn and the other little girl with blood.

I like the scare quotes around “hilarious.” It lets the reader know in no uncertain terms that Brent Bozell III himself does not consider this hilarious at all. His readers, apparently, are subject to misconstruing his subtle messages.

I am curious as to what, exactly, Brent Bozell III would consider hilarious. Does he ever guffaw? Has milk ever come out his nose? Somehow I think not.

Afghanistan

So there’s this election run off, based on the premise that the first election was rigged, but now the guy running against the guy who allegedly rigged the election has dropped out, leaving the allegedly corrupt guy the only guy in the running for President. Send more troops!

This Is It!

THIS IS IT, the documentary of Michael Jackson rehearsing for his THIS IS IT tour, only made $32.5 million in its first five days in the U.S. and Canada, but pulled in $68.5 million in around a hundred other countries. It pulled in $10.4 million in Japan, $7.4 million in Britain, followed by less successful openings in Germany, France, Australia, and China.

Perhaps because we did not attend in the required droves, Michael Jackson remains expired. His THIS IS IT tour, therefore, will not occur.

Bridezillas

The Dread Wife is watching her DVRed queue of BRIDEZILLAS, a “reality” show which depicts horrible women planning and executing their weddings. Most of them, for some reason, seem to be from Staten Island. The odd thing is that the show is generally accompanied by advertisements which show happy families enjoying fine products in bliss and harmony, neither of which are states ever to be enjoyed by bridezillas.

Microsoft/Family Guy news

The much-anticipated Microsoft-sponsored special program of FAMILY GUY has been cancelled. Apparently somebody at Microsoft actually sat down and watched the show. Or read Brent Bozell III. Who doesn't strike me as a Mac guy.