Sunday, September 14, 2008

Lipstick on a blog

Good God, is that man still around?
President Bush has agreed to a "general time horizon" for U.S. troop withdrawals from Iraq. Do not confuse a “general time horizon” with a “timetable!” They are two entirely different things. A timetable is an unacceptable admission of failure. A time horizon is a proud admission of victory.

Family values.
It sure is interesting that conservatives now find virtue in teen pregnancy. Is that what they were getting at with the convention chant, “Drill, baby, drill?”

Co-opting liberal values.
Now that Republicans have found the value in calling critics “sexist,” I’m probably going out on a limb when I say that I don’t find much appealing about Sarah Palin. She looks like a guidance counselor at a junior college, or a concierge at a Holiday Inn, or an event coordinator for the convention center in Omaha, or runner-up for senior class president. Only with anger management issues.

Like shooting wolves from an airplane….
Shooting wolves from an airplane? You know, on a certain level that sounds kind of fun! If I were a younger man, and I could fly, and I had an airplane, and a high-powered rifle, and I lived in a place where there were huge clusters of slavering (perhaps even rabid!) wolves, threatening civilized areas where terrorized families huddled in their homes, sure, I would put on the special uniform (which my beautiful girlfriend had designed), swoop down in my special jet (designed by Q, by the way, from the James Bond movies? Hello?), and take the beasts out.

I suspect that this kind of activity, however, is pretty much limited to Alaska. Here in northern California, for example, we prefer activities like wine-tasting, and sneering at Wal Mart.

On the other hand, you never know when something will resonate with the ever-fickle American public. If McCain and Palin are elected, who knows, a few years from now, we might ask our gay spouses (if they’re not in the special reeducation camps) , “What do you want to do tonight, hon? Go see the revival of HAIRSPRAY, or go up in the Lear jet with the Glock and take out some lupine predators?”

Speaking of entertainment…
I happened to catch the first commercial with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates, which was an advertisement for… something. Jerry and Bill shopped for shoes. The ad ended with Bill Gates wiggling his butt in a parking lot. What?

Crime in the 21st Century!
AP, out off Valentine, Nebraska:
“Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.”


“The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year. The man was 6-feet-tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and [police Chief] McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a ‘1980s, feathered look.’”

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott informed the media that “(t)his is not normal behavior for Valentine."

Crime in the 21st Century, part II!
Fresno Bee: “Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.”

Final Palin news
Slate Magazine is asking for your Sarah Palin dreams:

“When I mentioned my Palin dreams to Slate colleagues, they volunteered their own. One Obama-supporting colleague dreamed she had urged her young son to kill Palin with a string bean. Another dreamed she was at a fashion show and Palin served her crème fraîche on little scooped corn chips. A third says, ‘In the Sarah Palin dream I keep having, she has superhuman powers but is not really a person at all. In fact, she is more like the weather with glasses and an up-do, pushing clouds around and pitching lightning bolts.’”

And one final tidbit from Slate.
A review of MAMA MIA!

“And anyone who's used a hairbrush as a microphone should get off on the showstopping ‘Dancing Queen’ number, in which an entire village of Greek women follows Streep and her cohort to the ocean Pied Piper-style, affirming their God-given ability to dance, jive, and have the time of their lives. The rest of you—well, you can always stay home and frown.”

Thanks, I will.

Local news
The wee bride has many plants. She noticed that a plant in one of her pots was bent and crooked. Looking to see what had caused the problem, she found there was a walnut in the pot, buried there by the red squirrel that inhabits our corner of the block. Bring the guns and planes, people! We’re gonna go squirrel huntin’!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...


“And anyone who's used a hairbrush as a microphone should get off on the showstopping ‘Dancing Queen’ number, in which an entire village of Greek women follows Streep and her cohort to the ocean Pied Piper-style, affirming their God-given ability to dance, jive, and have the time of their lives. The rest of you—well, you can always stay home and frown.”


Uh oh, I just wonder how many people are now going to have Ian Shoales jiving to beat the band in their dreams and/or nightmares.

-D.E.
(just hoping there's no butt-wiggling!)

11:30 AM  

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