Sunday, August 27, 2006

Curb Your Blog

Hm…
So Hamas does not recognize Israel as a state, even though it lives there, and Israel and the US think Hamas is a terrorist organization, though it was duly elected. So everybody has to talk to nonexistent entities. I love democracy!

Michael Brown
According to the Washington Post, Michael “Heckuva job Brownie” Brown “…has been giving speeches, posing for photos (in Vanity Fair), going on television, giving interviews, hacking away at his critics.”

He describes himself as the Bush administration’s “worst nightmare.” And that’s going some! You see the White House’s dreams lately?

As for his critics, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch offered this on its opinion page: “After you hire Brownie, you might want to hire Typhoid Mary to help you avoid infectious diseases.”

Incidentally, until President Bush called him that, nobody had ever called him “Brownie.”

More liquid-free fun at the airport.
Chicago Sun Times: “The female airport security guard held the small, black, squeezable rubber object she'd just plucked out of Mardin Amin's backpack, and eyed it suspiciously. Standing next to his mother, an embarrassed Amin whispered out of one corner of his mouth that it was a ‘pump’ -- as in a penis pump. The guard misunderstood the Iraqi man and thought she heard the word ‘bomb,’ Amin's attorney told a Cook County judge Wednesday.”

Forelock-tugging over nothing at SLATE:
“YouTube is faster, more personalized, and less censored than TV, and there are fewer commercials. But it's also lonelier, less welcoming, and more pathetically voyeuristic. Since the rise of Internet video, blooper watching has transformed from a family activity undertaken in the living room to a solitary practice embarked upon while bored at work. Sure, YouTube videos are e-mailed from friend to friend, but we watch them alone. AFHV (i.e. AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS) was a vacation slide show at grandma's house. YouTube is a viewing booth in a porno shop.”

In other words, it was better when we watched morons torching farts, as a family.


Another Thing That Puzzles But Will Not Cause Me To Lose Sleep.
Sumner Redstone announced that Tom Cruise has been “fired” from Paramount, because he’s been acting too weird lately. This is the studio that gave us last year’s remake of BAD NEWS BEARS, this year’s FAILURE TO LAUNCH (Quick! Who was in it!), along with the wretched remakes of MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE and WAR OF THE WORLDS, not to mention THE WEATHER MAN, and, of course, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III. It didn’t do as well as the previous two. Redstone blames Cruise. Maybe. Or maybe the studio just went to that well one too many times.

This just in:
Headline: “Taller people are smarter.” Than rocks?

Islamo-fascism
Despite my protests, the self-contradictory “Islamo-fascism” now seems to have replaced the vague term “terrorism.” Please. Stop it.

Bunnies!
The Daily Mail: “Animal rights activists have targeted the parents of Britain's first known human victim of ‘rabbit flu’, with telephone callers telling them his death was a ‘rabbit's revenge’.”

More news.
Rep. Katherine Harris told the Orlando (Florida) Sentinel: "If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin.” I think I follow her logic. If you don’t have a driver’s license, you are encouraging jaywalking. See?

Finally…
Jack Kaplan in SLATE titled his story (or somebody did) about President Bush’s latest attempt to console us: “What a Moronic Presidential Press Conference!”

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Fasc-Islamism would be better. Or at least no less confusing....

-D.E.
(So, I guess the mosques run on time? -- or perhaps not, see www.snopes.com/history/govern/trains.htm)

1:33 PM  

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