Sunday, August 20, 2006

Snakes on a blog

Snakes on a stick
SNAKES ON A PLANE has finally opened, thank God. If I had to read one more piece of hype about the hype, I may have spewed.

Bats in hell.
The Dread Bride idly wondered about the phrase, “like a bat out of hell.” She was wondering what bats were doing in hell in the first place. Good question.

Mannequins on a plane.
From Soonews, out Ontario way:

A Ms. Newton “claims to have scoured the department in search of the perfect fit. It turned out that the only one in her size was on the mannequin. As a salesperson removed the garment, the dummy's arm flew off and struck Newton's head, according to her lawsuit.”

Odd, yet banal story
I was getting some vegetables at the local market. The woman in front of me received a penny in change. She shook her head and said to the clerk, “I don’t want that.” But she didn’t move. She just stood there.

I made my purchase. I handed over some bills, along with some change, which included four pennies. The clerk took one of the pennies and gave it to the woman in front of me, who took it and walked away. The clerk then took the rejected penny and put in the till with mine.

When did mannequins get nipples, and why?

All men are idiots, and I am their king.
Just the other morning, the Wee Wife told me to be careful when reheating coffee on the stove. The carafe has a plastic handle which could very easily melt. I nodded in agreement. After she went to work, I put the carafe on the stove, and returned several minutes later to find the handle on fire.

So there was this Indian-American, S.R. Sidarth, following George Allen around in Virginia, filming his campaign. He was a volunteer for George Allen’s opponent.

Speaking to his fans, Allen pointed at Mr. Sidarth, and said, "This fellow here, over here with the yellow shirt, Macaca, or whatever his name is. ... He's following us around everywhere. And it's just great."

A puzzled media promptly said, under its breath, “What the fuck?”

Somebody found out that the macaca is a monkey common to Africa and Asia; it’s considered a racial slur by some. Two witnesses claimed that "macaca" was a mash-up of "Mohawk," referring to Sidarth's distinctive hair, and "caca," Spanish slang for excrement, or "shit." Except that pictures of Sidarth reveal his haircut to be not a mohawk, but our old friend the mullet.

Allen has apologized to Sidarth. Thank God! Closure at last!

Crazy Ladies on a Plane!
NYT: “A flight from London to Washington was diverted Wednesday morning and escorted by F-15 fighters to Logan Airport here after an unruly female passenger had to be subdued, officials said.”

“The authorities said the woman had lotion and matches with her. They said the lotion, but not the matches, was prohibited on the plane.” Horrors!

“’All of a sudden, she started mouthing obscenities and pulled down her trousers,’” Mr. Drinkwater [fellow passenger] said, saying the woman threatened to relieve herself on the floor. At that point, he said, two male passengers subdued her, and a flight attendant handcuffed her and placed her in the last row of the aircraft.”

“’We just landed and were told welcome to Boston,’” said Candice Elasmar, 26, of Sydney, Australia. ‘Everyone was out there, the F.B.I., the police.’”

We can’t stop terrorism right now, but by golly, we can stop demented middle-aged ladies in their tracks.

Give wine to alleged pederast killers (on a plane), though, otherwise the terrorists win.
From the Associated Press, covering John Mark Karr’s return to Colorado to face murder charges in the death of Jon Bonet Ramsey:

“The 41-year-old teacher sat in a business class window seat next to Mark Spray, an investigator with the Boulder County District Attorney's office. A U.S. Embassy official and an agent with ‘Homeland Security’ on his T-shirt were also part of the escort party.

“Before takeoff, Karr took a glass of champagne from a flight attendant and clinked glasses with Spray, who sipped orange juice.

“Dinner on board, served on a starched white tablecloth with silverware, was one many passengers would envy. Karr started with a pate, then had a green salad with walnut dressing. The main course was fried king prawn with steamed rice and broccoli. Karr drank a beer, crushing the can with his hands when it was empty, then moved on to a glass of French chardonnay with his main course.”


Blogger Merle Kessler said...

Apologies on a plane...
In my last item, I referred to alleged pederast killers. What I meant to write was alleged pedophile killers. Mr. Kessler regrets the error. Otherwise, you know, the errorists win.

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But, now, wait...
Wouldn't the phrase "alleged pedophile killers" mean that these were alleged killers of pedophiles?
I don't make a habit of being an errorist...I'm just cranky this morning.

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or maybe they're just killers of alleged pederasts. After all, you can let The Law handle it after they're _convicted_.


11:11 AM  
Blogger Carel Brest van Kempen said...

Here's some errorism for ya: Macaca monkeys occur only in Asia, not Africa...okay, well, on the Rock of Gibralter, too, but they were introduced there, so it doesn't count.

12:14 AM  
Blogger BonzoGal said...

Here's the best explanation I could find for "like a bat out of hell", from The Word Detective:

Bats ... are amazing aerial acrobats, flying swiftly through the night... The bat's flight is so quick and erratic that when aviators during World War I needed a simile for flying at top speed, the bat was a logical choice "Like a bat out of hell" first appeared in print in 1921, but is said to have been in common usage several years earlier. The "out of hell" part was tacked on purely for added color, and probably refers to the bat being "from hell," not necessarily trying to leave hell."

10:57 AM  

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