Monday, July 11, 2005

Terrorism loses!

Favorite headline.
“Dennis now a tropical depression.” Because I have a friend named Dennis, who is rarely depressed, perhaps because he lives in the Land of Earthquakes, and not the Land of Tropical Depressions.

Unfornunate word coinage, x in a series.
“Cellywood”: indicating the ambience in which media are created for display on a cell phone.

Poor Hillary
Ms. Clinton, in a speech in Colorado, compared President Bush to Alfred E. Neuman, because (in her, or her handlers’ view) he has a “What-Me-Worry?” attitude.

In other times, this would have been considered standard political boilerplate, and best ignored, but in today’s climate, Stephan Minarik, New York’s GOP chairman, felt compelled to respond, "At a time when President Bush and most elected officials are focused on the security of our nation, Mrs. Clinton seems focused on taking partisan jabs and promoting her presidential campaign. Her priorities are clearly out of whack."

Um. She is a Democrat, is she not? What is she supposed to do, worship the guy?

And RNC spokeswoman declared, "Hillary Clinton's opportunistic attempt to market herself as a centrist is like a wolf dressing up in sheep's clothing. Such thinly veiled rhetoric doesn't change the fact she is part of today's angry and adrift Democrat Party."

Thinly veiled rhetoric? What is it veiling, exactly? I don’t know about the adrift part, but I certainly look forward to more anger from the Democratic party. A little more creativity in the insults, though, please.

Poor Hillary 2
Howard Klein reports from the Washington Post, “Despite the enormous hype surrounding Edward Klein's scathing and hearsay-filled book about Hillary Rodham Clinton, the author has been ignored by all but two television talk shows.”

In addition, Peggy Noonan called his book “poorly written, poorly thought, poorly sourced and full of the kind of loaded language that is appropriate to a polemic but not an investigative work." New York Post columnist John Podhoretz said it was "one of the most sordid volumes I've ever waded through. Thirty pages into it, I wanted to take a shower. Sixty pages into it, I wanted to be decontaminated."

It’s weird when conservatives urge restraint, isn’t it? Especially when Ms. Noonan only this June referred to her as a “political grifter.” John Podhoretz, on the other hand, is apparently always eminently sensible and eager to please. According to a New York Magazine profile, “He considers bitter feuds over, say, Hannah Arendt a waste of time, friendships lost over nothing.” (And who wouldn't?)

On the other hand, from the blogosphere - the Etherzone, specifically (“the intelligent alternative”), the righteous loon John LeBoutillier thunders: “In the midst of the media firestorm over Ed Klein’s blockbuster book, THE TRUTH ABOUT HILLARY, we can see the moral cowardice and equivocation that can destroy our nation from within. Yes, the very effective Clinton Spin Machine has worked with their allies in the so-called Mainstream Media to censor Klein and keep him off the TV airwaves.

“…[W]hat we could not have predicted was so many craven so-called ‘conservatives’ who bailed out on the Klein book in an obvious attempt to curry favor with the chablis and brie cocktail party set.

“Peggy Noonan, John Podhoretz, Dick Morris, Bill O’Reilly and Craig Shirley are some of the ‘conservatives’ who trashed the Klein book - without even reading it!

“We must have the courage to fight!”

That’s more like it. I frankly don’t see what you’re so on about, but go get her, John! Let’s fight! Something!

On a personal note
The wife has just learned she has been accepted as a member of the San Francisco Symphony Chorus. There is no money in this. But great honor!
And I have just learned I will be doing a Saturn commercial tomorrow. My first paying voice gig in four years! There is no great honor in this. But money!

This amused me, from the Portland Mercury:
Why the Fantastic 4 Human Torch ATV (with Light-Up Headlights!) is the Worst Movie Tie-In Toy Ever
by Wm. Steven Humphrey

Children are not idiots. Okay, most of them are idiots. Nevertheless, children still deserve our respect. Okay, they don't deserve any respect. But even so, I would not wish the Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV (with Light-Up Headlights!) toy on my worst child enemy--and, believe me, I have many. Why? Because of the thousands of movie tie-in toys produced in the world every year --from Batman action figures to Darth Vader helmets to Lord of the Rings crossbows-- there has never been a more ridiculously stupid and insulting toy than the Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV (with Light-Up Headlights!). And this is why:

The Human Torch has no need for an "All-Terrain Vehicle"--because the last time I checked, the Human Torch can fucking FLY.

Has anyone told the Human Torch that it might not be safe to sit on top of a gas tank when one is on FIRE? Nice message to send the kids, assholes!

As you know, the Fantastic 4 lives and works in New York City--where driving an ATV is ILLEGAL. According to section 4-14, subsection 1 of the NYC municipal traffic code: "In order to provide for the maximum safe use of the expressways, drives, highways, interstate routes, bridges, and thruways, and to preserve life and limb thereon, the use of such highways by pedestrians, riders of horses, and operators of limited use vehicles [ATVs] and bicycles is prohibited." (Yes, I actually looked this up.)

The Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV also has "light-up headlights!" Good thing, because there's nothing more useless than "dark-down headlights."

What does the freaking Human Torch need with headlights anyway? HE'S ON FIRE!

ATVs are exclusively for assholes and rednecks. I know, this has nothing to do with the Human Torch riding an ATV, but this guy who lives down the block from me is constantly ripping around our neighborhood on one of these stupid four-wheelers--and without a helmet, no less! So basically, this is just to let him know, I think he's an asshole and a redneck.

The Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV has Spider-Man™ hubcaps. Hey toymakers, if saving money by recycling an unsuccessful Spider-Man ATV is all you're interested in, why not just line up the children of the world and piss in their mouths?

And Spider-Man doesn't need an ATV, either!!

Finally, from Reuters
American crooner (what the fuck is a crooner anyway?) Omarion, who was in London at the time of the blasts, but “suffered no injury or inconvenience, wants people to pray for him.”

As to why he should be prayed for, his publicist responded, "He wasn't hurt or anything, but just the fact that he was there and all that."

I’ve never heard of him before, but apparently this idiot apparently has a hit album, called “O.” Stop buying it please. Thank you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're starting to see the same strategy we saw in the last election -- right-wingers suggesting that anyone who dares to campaign against a Republican is basically a traitor.

1:24 PM  

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