Saturday, July 29, 2006

A blog walks into a bar...

New, from Jenna Jameson!
“Everyone needs a moantone. And we'll provide them in the universal language of sexy sighs recognized around the world but with our own personal touch. The technology is way beyond most of us, but the bottom line is that you'll be able to hear the other Jenna's Web Girls moan and me when your phone starts to ring."

And if you’re at work, you’d better answer it quick.

Condi Rice returns to Mideast! Lindsay Lohan returns to the set!
After getting a letter of rebuke from the producer, Lindsay Lohan has returned to work on the set of Morgan Creek Productions’ GEORGIA RULE. She plays a troubled teen. A couple days ago, she and her boyfriend got tattooed.

In other news…
Cindy Sheehan has moved to Crawford, Texas.

In other news…
Lance Bass is gay!

In other other news…
Mel Gibson was busted for DUI, and apparently made a spectacle of himself to boot. Allegedly, he called one of the arresting officers, “Sugar Tits,” blamed the “fucking Jews” for all the wars in the world, and asked another officer, “Are you a Jew?” He also said he owned Malibu and would spend all his money to get even with them. He has since apologized for his behavior.

A blog message board poster commented on this story:
“Mel Gibson is the bravest human being of our time! Our beautiful, progressive nation is being destroyed by the old thinkers, the founders of communism, the vindictive ones. The fact that a minor, normal incident is 'exposed' by the masters of our information system in this manner is proof. May the forces of the universe protect (what used to be) the most wonderful, progressive nation on the planet from the vindictive, racist, old thinkers, who currently control us all.”

And I'm glad the blogosphere exists to set us straight on minor, normal incidents like this.

Let me hear you say, “Wha?”
This week, Maureen Dowd submitted a rather unfunny column that purported to be dialogue picked up by a stray microphone between President Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair. You know, based on the “Oh my god, the President said ‘shit’” scandal of last week. Remember? I barely do.

Anyway, she prefaced her lame skit with this:

“…That pesky microphone problem that plagued George W. Bush and Tony Blair in St. Petersburg struck again at their White House news conference yesterday. The president told technicians to make sure his real thoughts would not be overheard this time, but somehow someone forgot to turn off the feed to my office. As a public service, I’d like to reprint the candid under-their-breath mutterings they exchanged in between their public utterances.”

Now, you would think it would be plain as the nose on your damn face that this is a set up to a joke. But a blogger called “Red Stater” wrote:

“First off, isn’t that treason? Spying on what the President was saying, and then reprinting it for the whole world to see, including the terrorists? We knew the New York Times would love to take down American as we know it and replace it with one a little more pinko Communist to fit what they like. But can’t the government step in here and do something about it? Now that Maureen Dowd has gone this far to try to help the terrorists defeat America, can’t they finally throw her in jail along with the rest of the moonbats that hate America??

I encourage you to protest by not to reading that ‘Fetch, Heel, Stall’ article. I stopped reading it after that first paragraph, once I realized that she was going to be printing state secrets and probably highly classified information. The only way to help stop the spread of it now is to now read it. Please join me in not reading it, and we can eventually become strong enough to finally put a stop to the nutjobs at The New York Times.”

Though, I dunno, maybe Red Stater is making a joke too.

Let me hear you say, “Huh?”
New York Times: “Two summers ago, on a Congressional trip to Estonia, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton astonished her traveling companions by suggesting that the group do what one does in the Baltics: hold a vodka-drinking contest.”

One of those companions was John McCain.

“The after-dinner drinks went so well — memories are a bit hazy on who drank how much — that Mr. McCain, an Arizona Republican, later told people how unexpectedly engaging he found Mrs. Clinton to be. ‘One of the guys’ was the way he described Mrs. Clinton, a New York Democrat, to some Republican colleagues.”

This is not a joke.

Ken Jennings
The big JEOPARDY winner, Ken Jennings, made some mild jokes about JEOPARDY on his web site.

His blog entry, disguised as a letter to JEOPARDY, included jokes like calling the show’s categories (i.e. Opera and US History) "effete.” He suggested some new categories, including, PlayStation, The Arby’s 5-for-$5.95 Value Menu, Reality TV, Men’s Magazines, Skanks from Reality TV Who Got Naked in Men’s Magazines, and Potpourri.

Well, he unleashed a media firestorm, kind of.

Michael Starr at the New York Post wrote: “All-time ‘Jeopardy!’ champ Ken Jennings has emerged from the ‘Where Are They Now?’ shadows to bite the hand that fed him $2.5 million just a short time ago.” The story made the wires, with the headline on Associated Press, “’Jeopardy’” champ Ken Jennings blasts game show.”

Defending himself, Mr. Jennings said on his blog that he did not bear JEOPARDY any animus. He patiently explained: “Making goofy jokes about TV shows isn't `bashing.' I believe it's the whole reason Al Gore invented the Internet." He also called certain posters on his message board: "humor-impaired sock puppet users."

A joke?
What does it all mean? Well, obviously, one of the reasons we’re having more trouble taking a joke these days, is that we can’t even recognize what one is any more. Who’s joking, and who’s not? This Red Stater blogger, for example. I’m still on the fence with that guy.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do we really _need_ the possibility of mistaking, in an intimate moment, one's cellphone for one's S.O.?


11:31 AM  

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