Sunday, April 20, 2008

Happy Water Blog

The results are in! Apparently, the media all suck big time, and don’t ask substantive questions of candidates! Let’s put on a DVD and not watch news any more!

Barack BooBoo
Gibson to Obama, talking about poor white people in Pennsylvania: “And you said they get bitter, and they cling to guns or they cling to their religion or they cling to antipathy toward people who are not like them.”

Obama’s remarks, made fuzzily, and captured on video in San Francisco, got him in a lot of hot water. The charge of “elitism,” the most horrible charge you can level at a presidential candidate, was hurled at him.

Well now. I grew up in North Dakota. To my mind, there’s nothing that Barack Obama said about poor white rural folks that is untrue.

In a flurry of pandering, Hillary Clinton dashed around Pennsylvania discharging weapons and swapping jello shots with laid-off factory workers.

Flag pin
Where’s your flag pin? Why aren’t you wearing one? Why aren’t you wearing one TODAY? Why are you wearing just ONE flag pin? Why aren’t you wearing fifty flag pins, each one representing a state in our glorious union?

In other news….
Our new cat, Rocky, a splendid orange creature, likes to hurl himself at the shower curtain whenever the Wee Wife and I shower. We call this “Happy Water Time,” because occasionally we indulge in whimsy. Cats induce whimsy.

New marriage game
The Child Bride has decided that I am now “the Commander.” She plans to volunteer inappropriate information about me when meeting new people, such as, “Oh, the Commander doesn’t like tips on his carrots. I have to chop them off or he won’t eat them.” “The Commander doesn’t like fizzy water. I have to let it go stale before he’ll drink it.” “The Commander would never let me watch a movie by myself.” "The Commander likes his socks folded, not stuffeed in a ball." “The Commander doesn’t care for Peru.” Etc.

The Pope
He has a lot of outfits. Does he pack them himself? What the Pope’s garment bag look like? Does he have to take his shoes off at the airport?

Ben Stein has a new documentary, EXPELLED, made in the spirit of Michael Moore, in which he ambles around interviewing believers in Intelligent Design who have been persecuted for their beliefs, and persecuting evolutionists, who are all raving atheists. Along the way, so I’ve read, he intercuts footage of Nazis and Stalin, to indicate that Social Darwinism has something to do with Darwinism. The thing is, though, the Soviet Union’s official stance was anti-evolution. Its “scientific” credo of choice was Lysenkoism which posits, roughly, that a giraffe’s neck grew so it could reach the high branches. In other words, it wasn’t evolution, but revolution.

James Wolcott on Nell Scovell on David Brooks
“Brooks's most recent column, "The Great Forgetting," ruminates on how our aging society is divided into ‘memory haves and have-nots.’ He writes: ‘This divide produces moments of social combat. Some vaguely familiar person will come up to you in the supermarket. “Stan, it's so nice to see you!”’ The smug memory dropper can smell your nominal aphasia and is going to keep first-naming you until you are crushed into submission.

“Brooks clearly thinks ‘aphasia’ is a colorful word for ‘forgetful,’ but anyone who has dealt with aphasia, or read Oliver Sacks's wonderful book The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat--knows that aphasia is a language-and-expression disorder, not a memory disorder, and occurs from damage to portions of the brain, usually after a head injury or stroke.”

Brooks apparently also doesn’t understand Asperger’s syndrome. So if you're looking for a good neurologist, Brooks is not your guy.

It’s alive! It’s alive!
Telegraph UK: “Matthew Hockenberry and Ernesto Arroyo of Creative Synthesis, a non-profit organisation in Cambridge, Massachusetts, have created evolutionary software that alters colours, fonts and hyperlinks of pages in response to what seems to grab the attention of the people who click on the site.”

Evolution, or Revolution?

Popular Mechanics: 10 Genius Inventions We’re Still Waiting For
A sampler:

“Augmented Reality - Kids’ knees and noggins can be protected with padding and helmets—but how do we safeguard their delicate minds? … AR eyeglasses could detect inappropriate sights and remove them from view, while AR-enabled earbuds would delete ambient cursing.”

“Kid OnStar - … Kid OnStar could be packaged into a bracelet or necklace crammed with sensors that monitor location, physiological status and voice stress levels.”

If we invent enough stuff to protect the little buggers, we won’t ever have to pay attention to them again.

Erg Dept.
Another damn list, courtesy of damn Twitter, the Top Ten Made Up Words of Web 3.0, well, Some of Them.

The act of socially conscious and sustainable conversations, interactions and recycled linking.
"Is your blog socialstainable? Mine is" "How can our marketing be more socialsustainable?"

Viral marketing initiatives that are actually useful.
"Not only did Shave Everywhere make me laugh—I was able to configure and purchase my new electric razor online"

The analytical measurement of emotions.
"Yes—we've seen the metrics. But what about the Emotrics? We need to measure emotional engagement!"

A spontaneous burst of laughter caused by interactions on Twitter.
"Oh look who has a case of the Twiggles today"

When you comment on someone's blog, fully grasping what the author is trying to say.
"Thank you for that grokment. You complete me".

When you write catchy lines or clever comments in order to get more traffic on Facebook
"If I want more friends, I really need a Facehook—something to draw them in..."

How do you even pronounce that? And if I ever use the word “grokment” in a sentence, you have my permission to shoot me. Just twiggling.


Blogger Liberal Seagull said...

The strong anti-intellectualism in the U.S. always bothers me. I'd actually *prefer* a president who was elitist. If they aren't smarter than me, why are they president?

Th AR eyeglasses sound suspiciously similar to the Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses in Douglas Adam's Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy series.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merle Kessler quoted his Child Bride thusly:
“Oh, the Commander doesn’t like tips on his carrots....

It sounds as though she's rehearsing for the media, just in case the government raids your "compound". (Wouldn't it be interesting if the FLDS wives, via some cosmic script mix-up, started using her expressions?)

-D.E. :-)

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[Merle Kessler wrote, "Well now. I grew up in North Dakota. To my mind, there’s nothing that Barack Obama said about poor white rural folks that is untrue."]

I grew up in Anoka County, MN (where, dammit, we're proud of our indoor plumbing!) I also couldn't find anything untrue in what Obama said. Maybe a new Wal-Mart will cheer everyone up.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Merle Kessler said...

I went to high school in Brainerd, and college in St. Cloud. I know the wonders of Anoka.

8:34 AM  

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