Sunday, November 15, 2009

In Blog We Trust

In Blog We Trust
At the memorial for the victims of the Fort Hood Massacre, President Obama spoke. About that, SLATE's John Dickerson, wrote, “President Obama's speech at Fort Hood, Texas, was a small masterpiece—less than 15 minutes—in part because it was so modest. The president had great material and he knew not to get in its way.”

It’s hard for me to put a finger on what I find vaguely appalling about this paragraph. Maybe it’s the idea that everything in this world now is up for review. Not to ponder upon, bow our heads to, laugh at, weep over, or even ignore. But review.

“The president had great material,” he wrote, “and he knew not to get in its way,” as if the President was a comic looking to wow some frat boys at the Chuckle Factory. As if we, instead of citizens honoring fallen dead, are critics sitting with our arms folded, saying, “Come on, Mr. President, show me what you got! You’d better have great material, or we’ll only give you three stars out of five.”

The great material, lest we forget, was thirteen dead people, who are no doubt grateful that our president did not offer B material over their fallen bones.

A sudden memory…
A producer once told me, as part of a cast assembled for a television sketch comedy pilot that failed, “Forget about acting. Go for the laughs.”

In other Muslim news…
CSM: ”Irish priest Father Michael Sinnott, who had been kidnapped by militants in the Philippines, was released Wednesday night to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), which handed him to the Filipino government as a goodwill gesture.”

Of course in America a MILF would never ever let you go.

Sean apologizes!
Sean Hannity: "Although it pains me to say this, Jon Stewart, Comedy Central, he was right. Now on his program last night, he mentioned that we had played some incorrect video on this program last week while talking about the Republican health care rally on Capitol Hill. He was correct, we screwed up. we aired some video of a rally in September along with a video from the actual event. It was an inadvertent mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. So, Mr. Stewart, you were right. We apologize….”

Sean apologizes! Sort of!
“…But by the way, we wanna thank you and all your writers for watching."

The footage, by the way, showed a much larger crowd from the previous rally than that which attended the referenced rally.

Computing reinvented!
Daniel Lyons in NEWSWEEK, talking about a tablet computer currently (allegedly) in development by Apple:

“Now imagine a larger form factor, with a screen big enough to hold multiple panes of information. It has no lag time and lasts many hours on a battery charge. Here, then, is your new morning newspaper, with videos next to stories and the ability to customize the panes to deliver what you want and leave out what you don't. This device is also your TV, your stereo, and probably your telephone too.”

Call me a luddite, but doesn’t that sound like a lot of work for the user? What if your phone rings while you’re watching TV? What if the video embedded in your “newspaper” causes the text to crash?

Lyons writes: “In 10 years the print newspapers we have today will seem as quaint and primitive as those old Uncle Miltie shows. Heck, the Internet we have today will seem quaint and primitive too.”

In the future, will we still use the word “heck?”

Does God hate us? Or rather will He hate us, and come back in time as a Sub-Atomic Particle, to show us that there are in fact Some Things Man Was Not Meant To Know?
Theoretical physicists Danish Holger Nielsen, and Japanese Masao Ninomiya, have theorized that the Higgs Boson, the theoretical particle and building block of life - which it is hoped that the Large Hadron Collider will discover - may be coming back through time to stop the collider before it can make one.

That’s their explanation for the technical glitches that have delayed the LHCs’ mission to recreate the moments after the Big Bang.





1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merle Kessler wrote:
Of course in America a MILF would never ever let you go.

Especially if they thought he was a FILF... or is that too FILFy?

-----
A sentence you'll never, ever hear:
"Heck, there goes another one of those FLYING CARS!"

-D.E.

3:01 PM  

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